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    Congress is asking baseball players to testify about steroids. Asked about the steroid problem President Bush said "I just use a little preparation H."

    ~Craig Ferguson

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   Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said that she would not run for president in 2008 "unless the Democrats nominate somebody really easy again."

    ~Andy Borowitz

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    Now that the Florida Supreme Court has ruled in favor of removing Terry Schiavo's feeding tube, House Republicans are pushing for a bill to block the procedure. For some reason, the Congressmen really identify with a brain-damaged person who doesn't appear to be able do anything.

    ~Jake Novak