Monday, April 30, 2007


    Congress passed an Iraq war funding bill that calls for U.S. troops to come home in October. Democrats think they've won a great victory. Won't they be surprised when President Bush annexes Iraq and declares that the troops are now home.

Friday, April 27, 2007


     John McCain officially announced his presidential candidacy in New Hampshire this week while wearing a dark blue sweater.  Apparently, his dark blue straitjacket was at the cleaners.

Monday, April 23, 2007


    Record-high turnout in France has led to a runoff between right-wing presidential candidate Nicolas Sarkozy and left-wing socialist Segolene Royal. Experts believe the winning candidate will be the one who is best able to unite the voters with snobbery, cowardice and Jew-hatred.
    ~Jake Novak

Sunday, April 22, 2007


    Hugh Hefner announced he is backing Hillary Clinton. Hillary actually likes Hugh Hefner. Now don't confuse that with Bill ... who likes huge heffers.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Mortuary Mystery


Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

The Coroner tells the Inspector: "First body is a 72 year old Frenchman.  He died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile."

"The second body is an Irishman, 25 years of age. He won a thousand dollars on the lottery and spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, 66, struck by lightning."

"Why is she smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

"Thought she was having her picture taken."


Wednesday, April 18, 2007


    How far have we advanced in the wussification of America?  I am now under attack by the left for wondering aloud why these students did so little to defend themselves.  It seems that standing in terror waiting for your turn to be executed was the right thing to do, and any questions as to why 25 students didn't try to rush and overpower Cho Seung-Hui are just examples of right wing maniacal bias.  Surrender -- comply -- adjust.  The doctrine of the left.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007


    Vice President Dick Cheney and his wife, Lynne, owe $413,326 in taxes, almost $120, 000 less than last year. Apparently, this year Cheney finally claimed George as a dependant.
    ~Pedro Bartes

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


    In an effort to prove he really is a hunter, presidential candidate Mitt Romney shot and killed the Easter Bunny.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


Democrats have the breathtaking audacity to claim that Bush's replacing his own political appointees is "politicizing prosecutions."
They say this as Sandy Berger walks free after stealing and destroying top-secret national security documents — but Lewis "Scooter" Libby faces decades in prison for )not outing a covert agent. (Let's hope he's learned his lesson!)
They say this as Rep. William "The Refrigerator" Jefferson sits on the Homeland Security Committee while waiting for the $100,000 found in his freezer to thaw — but Tom DeLay remains under an indictment by some hick prosecutor in Texas for an alleged accounting violation.
They say this as Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid draws interest on the sale of a property he sold in a complicated land swindle — but American hero Randy "Duke" Cunningham rots in prison.
They say this while Sen. Chuck Schumer pays no price whatsoever for his Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee having illegally obtained a copy of Republican Lt. Gov. Michael Steele's credit report, for which one employee, Lauren Weiner, pleaded guilty, but served no prison time.
They say this while Sen. Teddy Kennedy is still at large (and getting larger).
Democrats have created a world in which a DNC card is a "get out of jail free" card, and "guilt beyond a reasonable doubt" means "no doubt the defendant is Republican." (If Democrats keep this up, they'll have to rethink their push to give inmates the right to vote.)

Monday, April 02, 2007


    Sunday is April Fool's Day. Unfortunately, in Washington April Fools stick around all year.