Monday, February 27, 2006

.


    According to a "Cosmo” poll, 13% of all men admit they’ve tried on a bra. The sad part, 43% of American men actually need one.
    ~Leno

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

.


    I went out with a bunch of guys and we played the Dick Cheney drinking game. Have you played this? It’s where you down a beer and then take a shot at old granddad.
    ~
Leno

Friday, February 17, 2006

RUN AWAY!

 

French Guard I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous
accent, you silly king-a?!

What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
 
 

    He had delusions of adequacy.
    ~Walter Kerr

 

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

.


    Heavy drinking U.S. Olympic skier Bode Miller was disqualified from the slalom event in Torino Tuesday. You'd think the slalom would be Miller's best event... that's the one where you don't even have to go in a straight line!
    ~Jake Novak

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

.


    Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78 year old lawyer. In fact when people found out he shot a lawyer his popularity is now at 92%!
    ~Leno

Monday, February 13, 2006

.


    In his crazed blood lust, Cheney (whose daughter is a lesbian) also wounded a fellow hunter, but never bothered to report the incident to Maureen Dowd. If the media covers the story with the rabid fervor of liberal hysteria it deserves, it has the potential to evolve into a scandal that can destroy Cheney’s 2008 White House bid, and will most suredly bode well for gun safety advocates like Al Gore and John Kerry.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Superbowl


    Do you know that the Rolling Stones have a combined age of 246 years old? In fact, that’s why they preformed on a stage with a circular runway. See, that was kind of a precaution; in case any of them ‘wandered off’, they would eventually go back to the center.
    ~Leno

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

.


    ...it is Bush who has single-handedly returned African-Americans to a state of slavery with his extremist policies. My Black readers need not concern themselves with exactly what those policies are – there are plenty of wise and trustworthy leaders in your community who are more than happy to do your thinking for you.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

.

 

    She [Cindy Sheehan] recounted her harrowing experience on Michael Moore’s website this morning, and vowed that she would use the TV, radio, newspapers, and the blogosphere to warn the American people that Freedom of Speech no longer exists in the country.
    Larry Chompstein

Friday, February 03, 2006

A little historical review

 

  • Muslims fly commercial airliners into buildings in New York City.  No Muslim outrage.
  • Muslim officials block the exit where school girls are trying to escape a burning building because their faces were exposed.  No Muslim outrage.
  • Muslims cut off the heads of three teenaged girls on their way to school in Indonesia.  A Christian school.  No Muslim outrage.
  • Muslims murder teachers trying to teach Muslim children in Iraq.  No Muslim outrage.
  • Muslims murder over 80 tourists with car bombs outside cafes and hotels in Egypt.  No Muslim outrage.
  • A Muslim attacks a missionary children's school in India.  Kills six.  No Muslim outrage.
  • Muslims slaughter hundreds of children and teachers in Beslan, Russia.  Muslims shoot children in the back.  No Muslim outrage.
  • Let's go way back.  Muslims kidnap and kill athletes at the Munich Summer Olympics.  No Muslim outrage.
  • Muslims fire rocket-propelled grenades into schools full of children in Israel.  No Muslim outrage.
  • Muslims murder more than 50 commuters in attacks on London subways and busses.  Over 700 are injured.  No Muslim outrage.
  • Muslims massacre dozens of innocents at a Passover Seder.  No Muslim outrage.
  • Muslims murder innocent vacationers in Bali.  No Muslim outrage.
  • Muslim newspapers publish anti-Semitic cartoons.  No Muslim outrage
  • Muslims are involved, on one side or the other, in almost every one of the 125+ shooting wars around the world.  No Muslim outrage.
  • Muslims beat the charred bodies of Western civilians with their shoes, then hang them from a bridge.  No Muslim outrage.
  • Newspapers in Denmark and Norway publish cartoons depicting Mohammed.  Muslims are outraged.
 

    In Washington President Bush came out of the white house and saw his shadow… Cindy Sheehan
     ~Leno

Thursday, February 02, 2006

What's the commotion?

 
 
 
 

    A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults.
    ~Louis Nizer (1902 - 1994) English lawyer

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The press --

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but  don't really understand The New York Times. They do,  however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country -- if they weren't on a freeway, or playing beach-ball, or at a botox appointment or an audition -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but  need the baseball scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country --  or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

12. Not a single one of these are read by the guy who is currently running the country into the ground.

(And may I be so school-marmish as to point out the failure of  subject and verb agreement in the last of these?)
  

    The left had their protestors out there last night. They were outside the U.S. Capitol banging pots and pans. Now that's what I call making a statement! Those of you on the left much be very proud of these efforts to bring divergent viewpoints to the people; banging pots and pans. Nice going!
    ~~Boortz