Thursday, December 30, 2004


    The real freedom of any individual can always be measured by the amount of responsibility which he must assume for his own welfare and security.
    ~Robert Welch

    My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes'.'For Cripes sake.' Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
     ~Andy Rooney

   If anyone can show me, and prove to me, that I am wrong in thought or deed, I will gladly change. I seek the truth, which never yet hurt anybody. It is only persistence in self-delusion and ignorance which does harm.
    ~Marcus Aurelius

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

    New York City wants to sell the famous "Charging Bull" sculpture on Wall Street for $5 million. You usually don't have to pay that much for bull in New York City unless you make a big campaign donation.
    ~Jake Novak

    The Kia Spectra was recently given the insurance industry's lowest safety rating in a crash test for any car since 2001. In a 40-mile-an-hour frontal crash, the crash-test dummy's head, chest and legs were all crushed. I'm stunned. A Kia can hit 40 miles an hour?         ~Jay Leno

    Rather than admit that the Democrat party is controlled by a lunatic fringe of actors, Marxists, traitors, environmental nut-jobs and all shape, size and color of deviants, bigots and vegetarian bi-polar power freaks in hemp underwear, the lib leaders curse Middle America for their own failure.
    ~Ron Marr

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Serious for once!

   Scott Ott took a break from his usual humorous satire to post a link to a real disater relief fund instead of corrupt money funneling agencies like the Red Cross, UN, and the 3rd world governments. 100% of your tax free donation will go to the victims of the Asian tsunami.

    The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings.  The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
    ~Winston Churchill


    Santa Claus flies on Friday night. The jolly old elf from the North Pole puts in one day of really hard work and then sleeps for several months. He has a background as a civil servant.
    ~Alan Ray

    Washington D.C. finally reached a deal Tuesday to fund a Major League Baseball stadium. It's in a bad neighborhood. To be any closer to the heart of the town's prostitution business they'd have to play whiffle ball underneath the U.S. Capitol dome.
    ~Argus Hamilton

    The governor of Utah came out in defense of polygamy, saying he believes men who have multiple wives are covered by the First Amendment's right to free speech. Really? I know guys with one wife who don't have the right to speak freely.
    ~Fred Barling

Monday, December 27, 2004

    President Bush got man of the year and in a related story John Kerry got a free copy of Entertainment Weekly.
    ~Jay Leno

    The U.S. Navy said Monday it has relieved two dozen commanders for inappropriate behavior with women. We've reached the crossroads. The Navy can either require faithful and decent conduct by its officers or stop naming ships after the Kennedys.
    ~Argus Hamilton

Ya might be a redneck if...

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorist who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up.  Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of them.

You might be a redneck if...

It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God ... "

You've never protested about seeing the Ten Commandments posted in public places.

You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."

You bow your head when someone prays.

You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.

You've never burned an American flag.

You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.

You'd give your last dollar to a friend.


    French president Jacques Chirac will visit Washington in March. We saved them in two world wars and we took Vietnam off their hands. Being allied with France is like being married to a very beautiful woman who keeps coming home with a disease.
    ~Argus Hamilton

Sunday, December 26, 2004

    All this hooey about the "sanctity of human life" might sound fine on an episode of Touched By An Angel, but the fact is that women are better off without fetuses squirming around inside them. Think of all the mothers who have had to give up their careers to raise children. Think of all the women who can't march in anti-Bush protests because they're too pregnant to walk ten feet. Think of the poor helpless teenage girl who has to refrain from casual sex with complete strangers for NINE WHOLE MONTHS because of one little mistake. So many lives wasted and ruined because of a inanimate lump of goo.
    ~Liberal Larry; Liberal Larry's Big Bag O' Hatemail

    They asked Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld about  the low food supply on the international space station, and he said, "Well, you go with the food you got, not with the food you want."
    ~David Letterman

    Male fish in Maryland have been found growing eggs. Environmentalists blame pollution, Republicans blame gay marriage.
    ~Jake Novak

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Osama bin Laden threatened to destroy the world in a new tape Thursday. He's become quite the toastmaster.
    ~Argus Hamilton

    Liberals cannot win when Americans are allowed to vote, so they jam their insane ideas down our throats through the courts. In Bush's second term, there is no more important committee than the one charged with overseeing his judicial nominations. If Republicans blow this once-a-century opportunity to end the tyranny of the judiciary, they deserve to lose.
    ~Ann Coulter

    Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time.
    ~Baltimore Grotto

    President Bush got an early Christmas gift. This week, President Bush was chosen as 'Person of the Year' by Time magazine. Not only that, Martha Stewart was chosen as person of the year by Doing Time magazine.
    ~Conan O'Brien

    Christmas is Saturday. Relatives and fruitcake make the perfect combination during the holiday season, since both should be thrown out after three days.
    ~Alan Ray

    Christmas is near. Biblical scholars say Mary was overjoyed with what the wise men brought. The gold and frankincense were needed right away. The myrrh was later used as a re-gift.
    ~Alan Ray

Friday, December 24, 2004

...a Twisted Sister pin, ON YOUR UNIFORM?!?!?!

Message from BlogExplosion

We wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Great New Year from us at BlogExplosion!

We thank you all for signing up for BlogExplosion and all your support this year and we hope to make BlogExplosion an even better experience next year.

Things will be a little slower the next few days with support and approvals as we want to spend more time with family and friends during the next days.

Thomas and Jeff


Merry Christmas?

Merry F'n CHRISTmas?!?!?

What kind of Jesus-land, intolerant, dogma are these fascists at BlogExplosion spewing out of their email boxes? Don't Tommy and Jeffrey know that this is "holiday time", they act like the fact that we've been celebrating Christmas for hundreds of years and that over 90% of the population celebrates the Christian aspect of the holiday is relevant to possibly offending a few of us progressive thinkers. I myself do not celebrate Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Winter solstice, Saturnalia, or any of the hundreds of other excuses people use to not be Christian but as a liberal I am deeply offended on behalf of all groups that I think should be!

Where is the ACLU when you need them?!?!?

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child - miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.
~P.J. O'Rourke

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Bush, Spain and everythang

    One thing I absolutely love to do is play turn-based chess online. I have a friend who leans about as far left politically as I do right, over the years we have become good friends none-the-less and have had some heated, yet humorous, arguments while playing in the "black and white jungle". I present to you a conversation we had last March, enjoy:
Saddam and Osama were diametrically opposed to each other. Saddam was for a right wing secular state and Osama was for a religious state. They never saw eye to eye, they hated each other's guts.
The right has to try much harder if that's the best it can come up with.

Then why is binny so interested in getting troops out of Iraq via changing Spain's elections? If Osama and Hussein were opposed he would be silent on it as it distracts from bombing his ass but the truth is many Al Qaeda training camps are being busted up over there.
binny will eventually be found cowering somewhere like his buddy was. Maybe we'll make them cell mates in a few years... they can get married :)
Osama wants the troops out so he can work towards a religious state instead of a secular one. The change in Spain's govt is a byproduct of the bombing. I don't think he thought the Govt would have changed at all. Even without the bombings I think the Govt would have fallen. 90% of Spaniards didn't want to grovel to W and US interests. They got dragged into a war to support AmeriKa's oil interests. They're not stupid and they've proved it in this election. 
My prediction - Great Britain will also leave AmeriKa, the European Union will be seen as a threat by the USA, Australia will also distance itself from AmeriKa, B1 will become world leader.
Does that mean Austria, Sweden, and Greece will be turning right? They've all taken big steps in the right's direction lately. 
My prediction is that Those three countries will jump right as well as Spain who will soon be reminded why they overthrew the socialists in the 80s real soon.
The world wand's freedom my friend, their getting smarter and won't be bamboozled by the socialist white castles any longer :)
Yes the world wants freedom. I couldn't agree more. Now all YOU have to do is convince AmeriKa not to interfere with those freedoms. All the populist movements all around the world have been towards the left. All the military dictatorships have been towards the right. Now what does that tell you?
Military is a government institution so they are naturally left leaning. The freedom afterward, less government, less laws, less restrictions... that's right leaning :)
Less Govt, less laws, total anarchy. You can have it. Since it's never worked, and that's how governments (democratic) came into existence, your philosophy would throw us back into the dark ages.
Government isn't a bad thing per se, it's usually the idiots in them that cause the problems. There should just be two levels of Govt, National and local. I would do away with State Govts - unnecessary.

Ah your going to extremes... though I'd take anarchy over a complete Orwellian dictatorship any day.
Government is a necessary beast that must be kept on a very short lease under a watchful eye of the governed.
You're right. Government needs to be kept in check by the governed - not by Big Business interests.
So you now see why Socialism is the way to go. It's democratic and participatory. I knew this right wing fascism you espouse was just a front.

Ah, so which Leftist government did the governed have a say?
NAZI Germany?
Russia under Stalin?
N. Vietnam?
Saddam's Iraq?
... there's just so many to choose from :)
 Saddam was never a leftist, he was a military dictator - supported by US interests, Stalin was another military dictator. Nth Vietnam under Ho was a nationalist and populist uprising against the Dutch imperialists (it was a colony), Mao would have gotten nowhere if it weren't for the corruption and atrocities committed by Chiang Kai-Shek (Mao was a also a military dictator), Castro's movement was again a populist uprising against the corruption of US Business interests and their puppet Batiste - and Cuba continues to have a populist socialist govt because their lives are still better under Castro than what it was under US domination. As to Hitler, he would have never been able to make it to power without the generous assistance of the German and European Capitalists who heavily financed the Nazi Party - as did Henry Ford who kept a picture of Hitler on his desk.
On his desk? and all this time I though Ford had Hitler's portrait tattooed on his ass!
They were all Leftists because they followed the same, "give me all you money I know how to spend it and run the nation's resources better than you" philosophy.
It's a shame that the Laft has to deny some of their greatest success', who knows what kind of surprises and how many hundreds of million will die this century so they can gain power?
Well Sheila and I went out to dinner tonight. The first time in ages. Though not doing the dishes was great, picking up the tab sucked big time....
Tab? What did you pay that for?!?!? You just reach in your pockets at the end of the wonderful meal, tell DW that your broke, and go out and see a movie or something with the money you saved returning to pick her up after she has washed enough dishes to pay the bill... plus a generous tip, you don't want to stiff the working bloke :)
I'll keep that little tip handy... I might excuse myself to go to the 'used beer dept' and just keep walking to the car....
Car... what the hell you driving for? You just pull out your empty pockets while the taxi is pulling in front of your house, look at DW and put the little cabby hat on her, tell her you loved the night and will leave to door unlocked for her :)
Our own PM is getting a lot of flack for 'disinformation'. I think his days are numbered.
Oh, are you Leftists in Oz hoping for a vote of appeasement like the Spaniards did? That was certainly manly of them, I'm sure France is glad to have a fellow flag wavers join their side. Thank Spain if you guys get hit with a few suicidal subway election ballots.
Well I guess that means I should thank Bush Jnr, Bush Snr, Klinton, Ray-gun and various others for setting it all up in the first place. Withdrawing troops isn't agreeing to terrorism. It's about lying to start a war. No one agrees with Terrorism, state sponsored or otherwise.

Giving into a terroists demands is appeasement, it's cowardly, and only encourages them to do it again.

The Bushs have different middle names so they're not Sr, and Jr. by the way. The interesting thing is that Al Gore WAS a Jr. (his son's name is Al Gore the 3rd.), and a fortunate son as well but the left seems to forget all that... it must be that problem with facts that is so prevalent with that side of the wing :)
I agree that giving in to terrorist demands is letting them win. However; creating terrorists is just as bad. It seems that this is OK as long as they're not terrorizing us. Other people don't seem to matter, as long as it's not us.
I agree with the Spanish on this one. W wanted the war, let W fight it. The UN was doing it's job, it just wasn't doing it fast enough. There were other ways for regime change.
Ofcourse you agree with me, my well-laid, logical, impenetrable, arguments can not be denied!
If I'm agreeing with you there must be something wrong...
Obviously you forgot to consult your latest lefty memo :)

Well Washington is doing their best to find someone to blame for not figuring out that the guy who bombed the World Trade center the first time, two embassies in Africa, a US ship, a barracks in Egypt, while declaring a holy war on us was going to bomb us on 9/11 as well. I mean can anyone be blamed? It's not like we sold Syria cell phone blocking technology and made it harder for our CIA to infiltrate groups like Al Qaeda... well, maybe we did :)
Anyways, this is going to accomplish absolutely nothing, those who hate W will still hate him, those who love him will still love him but I 'm sure Clarke (the main accuser) might make a buck or two since his book was (coincidently?) released this week.
There are many people to blame for September 11, all everyone is doing is trying to find a scapegoat instead of admitting collective blame.
The leader of the opposition here is saying he's going to bring the Oz troops home out of Iraq if he gets elected (opportunism at its finest yet again). The US Ambassador here is making threats (veiled of course) of US retribution here (but no bombs or troops on our shores yet). It will be interesting to see what the US does. Have you seen 'The Falcon and the Snowman' movie - it's based on the last time the CIA interfered with Oz politics. I guess we should get ready for another round of it.

Oh yea, since Spain has pulled their 1000 guys or whatever the token was out they're next on the US hitlist, that makes a lot of since.
Falcon and the Snowman? Never heard of it, who's in it, when did it come out?
Falcon and the Snowman has Sean Penn and I forget the other actor (who is now famous). It was made about 10-15 years ago. It's quite good. Your Video shop might have a copy.
Sean Penn? Oh hell no, I don't see anything with that Jane Fonda wannabe in it!

If I were a celebrity I would keep my mouth closed about anything but what your famous for, your not going to do anything but alienate half of your potential audience!
Unfortunately being famous makes them think they're intelligent, which isn't the case. Prezident Ray-gun being a prime example. Weren't half the California hopefuls a bunch of has been actors? Look who they voted for, and got!
Still 'The Falcon and the Snowman' is a good movie.
Did you see Mystic River? Best thing Eastwood did since 'The Unforgiven', one of my favourite westerns.
Mystic River? Wasn't that a chick flick? DW wanted to see it too, it was immediately ruled out, the only thing worse than a chick flick with a has-been tough guy/politician is a film with a want-to-be political activist that is supposed to be based on historical fact!
The movie you need to see is Fight Club with Brad Pitt and Ed Norton, not the type of movie your expecting it to be.
I'll borrow it out on the video. I like Ed Norton. Brad Pitt bores me to tears. I'm re-reading Lord Of The Rings at the moment. Have you read it?
Over 20 years ago! I barely even remember it, the third movie should be coming out on video soon. I know this because the clerk at the toy store was nagging me to pre-order it as I was checking out.
I didn't open up that last email you sent me, it came as an attachment... and we know about attachments now, don't we?
I've tripped across some worm or trojan that has hijacked my home page. Every time I change it, the program changes it back. I went through last night and deleted what I thought could be causing the problems but there it was again when DW re-booted the PC.
Ofcourse, I could just not turn the PC on anymore... that would show them!
No sweat about opening the attachment. I can understand that, as a matter of fact I do exactly the same (as well you know). Stuff from my work email is 99% safe as we have stacks of every possible scanning and cleaning device known to man that's updated hourly.
Your company could get their firewalls updated every minute, some little geek will eventually figure out a way to screw up the software from his parents basement 100s of miles away anyhow.

There should be stricter consequences for people who decide to do things like that. If I were to get my kicks going around screwing up the engines in people's cars they'd have my balls on the chopping block!
I played a DVD on my PC for the first time tonight, now all I need is some headphones and I completely tone out the family all together!

I've played a DVD once on my ibook. It was OK, nothing brilliant, but then it's only a small screen. I guess one day I'll have to buy a DVD player and increase the profits of the capitalist exploiters, though video is just as good. Not that they're making videos like they used to, forcing you to upgrade for a lot of unnecessary technology.
I like how you can just skip to the next scene without fastforwarding and the fact that they can do director/actor's voice-overs to discuss the scene while the movie plays but I don't see any better quality. Ofcourse I don't have a digital TV yet either. You going to have to give them capitalists your money as well!
Oh but only if we all lived in a socialist society, then we would all think radio was still pretty cool :)
I like Radio. I can see you're irrevocably trapped in consumerism - gotta have...gotta have... even if you don't use it.
Simplify your life B1... GreeenAcres is the place for me..... as Eddie Albert used to say.
Hell I carry a conversation on with you everyday... how much more simpler can I lower myself?!?!?
As I deign to converse with you, you should consider yourself exulted. I look upon you as 'the grasshopper' who is yet to walk the rice paper.
Well out with Sheila for dinner tonight with a couple of mates. I've been ordered to behave....
I guess that means to use the soup spoon and not drink it straight out of the bowl.
You should view me more like that crazy monk that lived in the attic who used to refer to "Grasshopper" as "Piss-ant" and would show up on occasion in the west to be a pain in the ass for our little David Carradine who acted like a China-man by squinting his eyes. :)
It's probably a good thing that Lee didn't get the part he had created otherwise he would never had made Enter the Dragon with... Jim Kelly aka: Black Belt Jones

"Stay here bro, I might havta bus' some teef... and I might even get kilt!"

    Did you hear about the man out east that stabbed two relatives after they criticized his table manners? The worst part about it - he used the wrong knife.
    ~Jay Leno

Frosty's big dump

We got bombed with snow here in the Midwest last night. RightWingDuck has some pretty good advice on surviving the cold at IMAO. It seems like IMAO is only funny now when Frank J. is gone and there is no one to pimp the blog.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good
~Mark Twain


   Are we really so different? Must we stereotype those who disagree with us? Do we truly believe that ALL red-state residents are ignorant racist fascist knuckle-dragging NASCAR-obsessed cousin-marrying roadkill-eating tobacco-juice-dribbling gun-fondling religious fanatic rednecks; or that ALL blue-state residents are godless unpatriotic pierced-nose Volvo-driving France-loving left-wing communist latte-sucking tofu-chomping holistic-wacko neurotic vegan weenie perverts?
    ~Dave Berry

    Neverland Ranch was raided Saturday by police who searched Michael Jackson's home for evidence. The court may take away his kids. He's trying to hammer out a visitation deal that would let him dangle them from a balcony every other weekend.
    ~Argus Hamilton

    Cuban protesters in Havana put up a huge billboard with a swastika to attack the U.S. yesterday. But the effectiveness of the protest was somewhat diminished three hours later, when the same Cubans took the billboard down and used it as a raft to escape to Key West.
    ~Jake Novak

Wednesday, December 22, 2004


    Ricky Williams told CBS' 60 Minutes Sunday why he quit pro football. He wants a simple humble life, not millions of dollars. Fidel Castro announced the next day he's going to buy American crops so he can feed his people whatever Ricky's smoking.
    ~Argus Hamilton

    Forgive, O Lord, any little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.
    ~Robert Frost

    CBS will no longer air three ads from Miller Beer, saying the ads make claims that "cannot be substantiated." No word yet on whether CBS will apply the same rules to the Evening News with Dan Rather.
    ~Jake Novak

Tuesday, December 21, 2004


Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal
Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check.
In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer.  Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order.  He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put his flying skills to the test.
The examiner walked slowly around the sled.  He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose.  He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for sled's enormous payload.
Finally, they were ready for the check ride.  Santa got in and fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.
"What's that for?!?" asked Santa incredulously.
The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time," as he leaned over to whisper in Santa's ear, "but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."


    The Labor Department announced that unemployment surged in the last month but attributed much of the increase to the Bush cabinet.
    ~Andy Borowitz


    Immigration to Israel from America has surged this year to a 20 year high. Yep, if you're sick of all the "blue state/red state internal conflict, there's no place like Israel to get a little peace.
    ~Jake Novak

     What is wrong that boy, I'm done with Michael [Jackson]... another kid? That's like another dead white girl showing up at O.J.'s house.
    ~Chris Rock


    The liberal quiver is pregnant with verbal arrows tipped with the very poison they pretend to abhor.
    ~David Limbaugh; Demonizing Conservatives

Monday, December 20, 2004

MasterCard dropped Barry Bonds Thursday from a planned season-long series of commercials starring the musclebound slugger. The penalty is plain for steroid users. Under current law he could get four to eight years as Governor of California.
~Argus Hamilton

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, DC this Christmas. This isn't for any religious constitutional reason. They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the nation's capitol. There was no problem however finding enough asses to fill the stable.
~Ann De Jong

You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims.
~Harriet Woods

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Going to start a new thang here

    People have mentioned they enjoy the quotes I include under the few articles I submit here. More articles and humor that this site won't support can be found at my email group but I will be submitting the quotes from those messages (three a day) here for those who don't wish to join.
    Enjoy :)

    The makers of "Girls Gone Wild" will air a pay-per-view special opposite this year's Super Bowl halftime show that will contain nudity. But why should viewers pay for something this year that they got last year for free?
    ~Jake Novak

    I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
    ~Rodney Dangerfield

    A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
    ~Jay Leno

Friday, December 17, 2004


I had to send to get this out before Bush's new intelligence plan takes effect. You only have a limited time to opt out of having your Driver's License on the Internet - for all to see as a part of the new federal guidelines against terror.
I just searched for mine and there it was... picture and all! You can remove it from the net by going here, after your license comes on the screen, click the box marked "Please Remove".

I'm sure you don't want just anyone getting this information!

The sage battles his own ego, the fool battles everyone else's
~Sufi Proverb

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

New workout

It's never to early to start getting in shape for Sumer so I thought I'd share a new rountine, as usual you'll want to consult a Dr. before starting and START EASY! I can't stress enough how important it is to not overdue it the first few weeks, especialy if you haven't exercised im awhile.
Ok, let's begim the program, scroll down:

a little farther

... a little farther

Now scroll up, FEEL THE BURN!

You know you gained weight over Thanksgiving week when you sit in the bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.
~Argus Hamilton

Monday, December 13, 2004

Message from Santa

Dear Friends

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.

The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 piperspiping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit.

On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January. Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart before everything is gone.


    50% of American companies give their employees some kind of Christmas bonus... the other 50% of American companies only have Chinese and Indian employees who don't know what Christmas is.
    ~Jake Novak

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Early Odds On 2008

Early Odds for 2008 Presidential Election

Here's a look at the very early odds for party nominations:

Rudy Guiliani20.8
John McCain19.4
Bill Owens14.6
Bill Frist13.6
Jeb Bush9.4


Hillary Clinton34.6
Evan Bayh14.9
Bill Richardson8.6
Chris Dodd8.0
John Edwards8.0

( buy prices)

After nominations, the Democratic Candidate is slightly favored 51.0/49.0

Interestingly, Colin Powell is listed as both a potential Republican and a potential Democratic nominee. His Democratic ticket has yet to produce any gambling action but did get me thinking that theoretically he could be nominated by BOTH parties. Not going to happen with Powell, but what if there was a candidate so popular that he was the favorite for both parties? My guess is that it would lead to one of the parties splitting and would be a disaster.

I have some words of advice for the former first lady: Remember the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth.
~Kathleen Willey

Song Parody

    I usually don't like to post song parodies but this one was seasonal, good... and another opportunity to bash the French!


You're the French
to the tune of "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch"
You're the weak ones
You're the French
You've made some shaaady deals
You're as cuddly as a Baathist
You're as charming as an eel
You're the free-eench

You're as yellow as a banana

Surrender and squeeeaaallll

You're a traitor
You're the French
We've saved you from
Two waaaars

You're brain is made of brie cheese
Jacque Chirac we like no more
You're the free-eench

I wouldn't trust you

You've done this befooooooree

You're the vile ones
You're the French
You have grape stains on your smiles
You have all the allied secrets
And you gave Saddam the files
You're the Freee-eench

Given the choice between the two of you

I'd have taken Jong Il
~Rusty Humphries

    Nearly three decades after it was written, Paul McCartney finally admitted that "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" was, in fact, about LSD. In related news, Bob Dylan still stubbornly maintains that his song "Everybody Must Get Stoned" is about capital punishment.
    ~Jason Cole

Saturday, December 11, 2004

THE CB2000!

Larry Chomstein has come up with a new enviro-friendy Humvee at Blame Bush. No wonder the guy has so many degrees!

The world may be full of fourth-rate writers but it's also
full of fourth-rate readers.
~Stan Barstow; Daily Mall (15 Aug. 1989)

A Nation of Darwin Awards

 Christmas in Australia!
 A little Christmas cheer for all from the Australian Bureau of Statistics
*31 Australians have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
*19 Australians have died in the last 3 years by eating Christmas decorations they believed were chocolate.
*Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling incidents.
*101 Australians since 1997 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
*18 Australians had serious burns in 1998 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
*A massive 543 Australians were admitted to casualty in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with teeth or eye socket.
[Exuse me for interjecting here but... eye socket!?!?!? ~DaD]
*5 Australians were injured last year in accidents involving out of control scalextric cars.
*3 Australians die each year testing if a 9V battery works on their
*142 Australians were injured in 1998 by not removing all the pins from new shirts.
*58 Australians are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
and finally:
*8 Australians cracked their skull in 1997 after falling asleep (passing out) while throwing up into the toilet.
YEP! It's great to be Australian!


    Here's a late breaking bulletin from the Bush White House -- the White House Christmas tree has submitted its resignation.
    ~David Letterman

Thursday, December 09, 2004

For a few wee more

Commie lover Kevin drum has a "few wee questions" for Conservative bloggers. John Hawkins and Frank J. have already given it a crack, here are mine:

1. Considering how Iraq has gone so far, do you still think that American military power is a good way to promote tolerance and democracy in the Middle East? Has your position on this changed in any way over the past two years?

It sure worked a hell of a lot better than UN resolutions didn't it? Unlike the majority of Dems who voted for the war, my position hasn't changed.

2. Shortly after 9/11, Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson said publicly that they thought the attacks were well-deserved retribution from God in response to moral decay -- as personified by gays, feminists, the ACLU, and NOW. Do you worry that Falwell and Robertson are identified by many as the face of the Republican party? Do you think President Bush has sufficiently distanced himself from them and their followers?

I'll take Falwell and Robertson (You forgot Dr. Dobson) over Jessie Jackass, Al Sharpton, Lewie Farrakhan and the rest of the Laft's so-called men of God, I'll take them over Barbra Streisand, Mickey Moore, Mr. "I'm moving to France" Alec Baldwin and those Hollywood kooks as well, I'll also take them over Left wing groups like PETA, ELF/ALF, NAMBLA too. Apparently the latest elections show that the majority of Americans do as well.

3. Is democracy promotion really one of your core concerns? Just how far are you willing to go to demonstrate your credibility on this subject? Note: President Bush's policy toward either Pakistan or Saudi Arabia would be excellent case studies to bring this question to life.

Democracy is mob rule, the US is a Republic in case you didn't know. I'm not concerned at all with which political philosophy other countries adopt, I am concerned with people trying to make the US adopt those models that obviously aren't working very well for them though and I'm very concerned about religious extremist committing acts of terrorism within our boarders. Perhaps you can go to Iraq and see how many of AlQaeda's people would like to answer your questions peacefully?

4. On a related note, which do you think is more important to the Bush administration in the short term: preservation of a stable oil supply from the Middle East or spreading freedom and liberty throughout the region? Would you be interested in seeing the records of Dick Cheney's 2001 energy task force to verify this? Please be extra honest with this question.

Oh, I'll be extra honest. That question implies the old "we're just there for the oil" mantra like we couldn't have pumped it out if we wanted it back in "91 when we had control of the region had we wanted it or be pulling it out by the tanker now.
That kind of questioning got you guys real far in 02 and 04 elections, keep on with the same gameplane :)
Now for my regular honest answer, both can be attained, it's up to the Iraqi people.

5. A substantial part of the Christian right opposes any compromise with Palestinians because they believe that Jewish domination of the region west of the Jordan River is a precondition for the Second Coming. Is this a reasonable belief? Or do you think these people qualify as loons who should be purged from the Republican party?

Or could it be the Right opposes the Palestinians because they have a tendency to dance in the streets every time a school bus is bombed in their name?
I'll take people who believe and live according to the Bible over people who don't every time.

6. Yes or no: do you think we should invade Iran if it becomes clear -- despite our best efforts -- that they are continuing to build nuclear weapons? If this requires a military draft, would you be in favor?

How bout a "Hell yea" and why are the Dems always trying to start up a draft lately? We have plenty of troops and equipment both east and west of Iran that will be getting freed up soon that we can use if sanctions don't work.

7. If President Bush decides to substantially draw down our troop presence in Iraq after the January 30 elections, will you support that decision? Please answer this question prior to January 30.

No jackass I want more troops there even if the President of the United states doesn't think we need them!

8. Would you agree that people who accept Laurie Mylroie's crackpot theories about Saddam Hussein's involvement in 9/11 might be taking the threat of terrorism a little too seriously? What do you think should be done with them?

I don't know who Laurie Myloroie is but I'll have to check her out and check the evidence for myself.
Gee, the idea that a tyrant who's status in the region, military strength and foreign income were all greatly reduced by the US would align himself with religious fanatic who had the same goal is far fetched nutjob, crackpot, conspiracy theory isn't it?

Now I have a few questions for you (numbered not by question but for easy reference ofcourse):

1. Were the 04 elections stolen or just a solid rejection of liberal philosophy. How about 02? 2000? 98, 96, 94? All of which the Laft has gradually been losing power.

2. Why don't you move to a country that more closely resembles your political beliefs?

3. Do you think the Laft's practice of calling those that voted for Bush stupid is going to get them move votes in 06 or 08?

4. Do you think you think you pay enough in taxes? Did you fill out your last four tax forms according to the rules in which you filed in the 90s because you didn't agree with the Bush tax cuts?

5. How many UN resolutions do you think it will take for Iran to stop building nuclear weapons? Do you think John Kerry's plan to supply the country with nuclear fuel in exchange for a promise not to build weapons would have worked? Didn't Clinton try that with N. Korea?

6. Do you think Hillary will draw more votes than Kerry did? From which groups?

7. If Saddam, bin Laden, Castro, or Kim could vote in US elections would they be Dem or Repub? Why is that?

8. How many times have you seen Fahrenheit 9/11? How many mistruths did you spot? What are they?

We begin today with the only place you're likely to see a Democrat -- a museum.
~Jon Stewart; on the dedication of the Clinton Presidential Library

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

The log in their eye




    The first English-speaking Muslim lifestyle cable channel debuted today. Good timing. It's called bridges TV. Their top rated program is a reality show about life in Baghdad, called, "Same Shiite, Different Day".
    ~Jay Leno

Taken for a ride

Liberty News Cartoon - Wrong-Way Jock 

    Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist predicted that Congressional Republicans will improve security by coming up with a big compromise on the intelligence bill this week. Of course Congress is always the best place to go for a compromise on intelligence.
    ~Jake Novak

Monday, December 06, 2004

The new rebels same as the old rebels

    This 46 minute Michael Moore type of documentary outlines the extent that our tax-funded Universities will go to limit diversity on their campus now. Take the time and watch Brainwashing 101 for free.

    The National Christmas Tree is up in Washington. This year the giant Douglas Fir symbolizes Congress. It is noticeably crooked.
    ~Alan Ray

Still more to know

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps.  They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a fullmoon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

The words 'racecar,''kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewable Vitamins.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

    It's the day after Thanksgiving. The busiest shopping day of the year. I went to the mall and I was pushed, I was shoved, I was groped, I was fondled - hell, I'm going back tomorrow.
    ~David Letterman