Monday, November 29, 2004

Two gators

Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I cain't unnerstand how you can be so much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids...  I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin' boy?"

"Polo-ticians, same as you," replied the small 'gator. 

"Hmm.  Well, where do ya catch 'em?"

"Down at 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot of that courthouse by the door where the Lawyers come out."

"Same here.  Hmm.  How do you catch 'em?"

"Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexuses and waits fer someone to unlock the door. Then I jumps out, grabs 'em on the leg, shake the shit out of 'em, and eats 'em!"

"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem.  You ain't gettin' any real nourishment.  See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a Democrat, there ain't nothin' left but lips and a briefcase."


    As you may remember from school. The Constitution creates a system of checks and balances. However, currently the government seems to be writing more checks than it can balance.
    ~Sean Carter

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Once Upon a Time

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test. The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day."
Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the manager replies, "You must understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day."
Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers' market and sees a stand selling 25lb crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the tomatoes and makes 100% profit.
Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with several bags of groceries for his family. During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day. By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into the night. He multiplies his profits quickly.
Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.
At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community college so she can keep books for him.
By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard. Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks and a warehouse that his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the boys manage.
The tomato company's payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed a million dollars!
Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final document to electronically. When the man replies that he doesn't have time to mess with a computer and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, "What, you don't have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you'd had all of that five years ago!"
"Ha!" snorts the man. "If I'd had e-mail five years ago I would be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.15 an hour."

Which brings us to the moral:
Since your reading this story online you probably have an e-mail, so you're probably closer to being a janitor than a millionaire.

Sadly, I posted via computer also.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
~Mark Twain

Friday, November 26, 2004

How Gov. cuts jobs

A guy stopped at a local gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.
"I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.
"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?"
"Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one of the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"
"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here puts the dirt back.
Elmer's job's been cut... so now it's just me an' Leroy."

Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in democracy the whores are us.
~P.J. O'Rourke

Thursday, November 25, 2004



On the First Day..... We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast and its hot trimmings.
On the Second Day..... We bless the cold turkey sandwiches, sloshy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls.
On the Third Day..... We praise the turkey pie and vintage mixed veggies. 
On the Fourth Day..... We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison that first time, or we'd be celebrating Thanksgiving until April.
On the Fifth Day..... We gobble up cubed bird casserole and pray for a glimpse of a naked turkey carcass.
On the Sixth Day..... We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook who slings cashews at the turkey and calls it Oriental.
On the Seventh Day..... We forgive our forefathers and pass the turkey-nugget pizza.
On the Eighth Day..... The word ''vegetarian'' keeps popping into our heads.
On the Ninth Day..... We check our hair to make sure we're not beginning to sprout feathers.
On the Tenth Day..... We hope that the wing meat kabobs catch fire under the broiler.
On the Eleventh Day..... We smile over the creamed gizzard because the thigh bones are in sight.
On the Twelfth Day..... We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers. And everybody says, "Amen


    New York fashion mannequins are being modeled after Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce, with larger rear ends. You know we are getting overweight when even fake people are getting fatter asses.
    ~Jim Barach

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Political hot potato

Liberty News Cartoon - Social Security Time Bomb 


    The world's leading nations have agreed to forgive 80% of Iraq's outstanding debt, but that's leading to mixed results. Iraq's economy will improve, but now Donald Trump wants to run for president of that country.
    ~Jake Novak

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

You heard it here

Nominations are being accepted for the 2004 weblog Awards. There are 33 different categories that you can place your favorite blog in!

Since you heard it here why not be a buddy and second nominate this blog in one of three areas:

Best New blog

Best conservative blog


Best Humor blog

Be sure to use the URL button to link to this site ( or any others you decide to nominate.

A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying.
~George Orwell

Raising The Debt Ceiling

Liberty News Cartoon - Raising The Debt Ceiling 

    President Bush has appointed Margaret Spellings, a White House domestic-policy adviser, to be secretary of education. It was quickly noted that the new director is married.  That was a relief as Department of Education is the last place you want to find Miss Spellings.
    ~Randall Woodman)

Answer me this

Is this murder?

[The definition of a Conservative is] a statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguishing from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.
~Ambrose Bierce; The Cynics Word Book (1906)

Monday, November 22, 2004

The True Origin of the Internet

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.
And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called 'Amazon Dot Com.
'And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?
"And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS).
"Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known "eBay" he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.""YAHOO," said Abraham.
And that is how it all began.

It wasn't Al Gore after all.

Clevinger was one of those people with lots of intelligence and no brains, and everyone knew it except those who soon found out.
~Joseph Heller; Catch-22

Poem from Pedro

This hilarious poem has been around for awhile now, though to me, Pedro sounds more Asian than Latino.

Poem From Pedro

I come for visit, get treated regal,
So I stay, who care I illegal?
I cross border, poor and broke,
Take bus, see employment folk.
Nice man treat me good in there,
Say I need to see welfare.
Welfare say, "You come no more,
We send cash right to your door.
"Welfare checks, they make you wealthy.
Medicaid it keep you healthy!
By and by, I got plenty money,
Thanks to you, American dummy.

Write to friends in motherland,
Tell them come as fast as you can.
They come in rags & Chevvie trucks
I buy big house with welfare bucks.
They come here, we live together,
More welfare checks, it gets better!
Fourteen families they moving in,
But neighbor's patience wearing thin
Finally, white guy moves away,
Now I buy his house, and then I say,
"Find more aliens for house to rent.
"And! in the yard I put a tent.
Send for family (they just trash),
But they, too, draw the welfare cash!

Everything is much good,
And soon we own the neighborhood.
We have habit called breeding,
Welfare pay for baby feeding.
Kids need dentist? Wife need pills?
We get free! We got no bills!
American crazy! He pay all year
To keep welfare running here.
We think America darn good place!
Too darn good for the white man race
If they no like us, they can go,
Got lots of room in Mexico.

"I Love America!"Tank Yew

Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented' immigrant is
like calling a burglar an uninvited house guest.
~Big Dave

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Probably seemed like a good idea at the time

Somebody has some serious scraping to do!

To be absolutely honest, what I feel really bad about is
that I don't feel worse. That's the ineffectual liberal's problem in a
~Michael Frayn; Observer (Aug. 1965)

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Missing guests?

DANEgerus has a short list of a few people who weren't invited to Bubbapalooza... I wonder why?

    In time of war, if you go through a bad neighborhood, I don't want a little French poodle, I want a Rottweiler on my hands.
    ~Gene Simmons; on why he voted for George W. Bush


Dear John...

Kerry, Kerry, quite Contrary,
How did Ohio go?
You made the push, to beat George Bush,
but overlooked Carl Rowe!
You padded the vote, with even a goat,
and lawyers ready to rally!
But try as you may, on that given day,
fell short on the ultimate tally!!
With CBS Dan, you made your stand,
and labeled the Prez a liar!
The "Elitist" beamed as "Farenheit" screened,
and Teddy belched deep from the mire!!
The Media said, that you were ahead,
and winning by you, a "cinch"!
They just couldn't wait, to end the debate,
and crown you and the "pickle-wench"!!
But from the waters of Nam, and praise of the "Cong",
Your past had the stench of a "paddy"!
After all's said and done, about who's Number One!
GW is still your Daddy!!!!

1-805-227-6200 PLANT OR 1-805-570-3298 CELL


    Yasser Arafat's widow Suha is now said to be worth $4 billion. Following her husband's death, many world leaders sent their condolences, except John Kerry, who sent a marriage proposal.
    ~Rob Bates

Friday, November 19, 2004

In honor of Bubbapalooza

During the previous administration Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees Game; sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them.

One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and says something to Bill. First Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head violently.

The agent then said, "Mr. President, it was an unanimous request from the owner of the team down to the bat boy."

What really gets Bill going is when the agent tells him the fans would love it!

So Bill just shrugs his shoulders and says, "If that is what the people want."

Then Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, and drops her right over the wall into the field.

She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, and the crowd goes wild.

They're cheering, applauding, and high-fiving.

Bill is bowing and smiling, and leans over to the agent and says, "You were right, I would have never believed that!"

Then noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong..

The agent replies, "Sir, I said, they want you to throw out the FIRST PITCH!"

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
~ By Frank Outlaw

Thursday, November 18, 2004

A new news source in town

There is a new site that is now up and running called the CND that looks very promising. Check it out if you have time, they have a great pic of the babe of the 21st. Century at the top right today! :)

Always stand on principle even if you stand alone.
~John Adams

I can not vouch for the accuracy of all of these:


The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood  plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do
watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

        The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by
eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Most dust particles in your house are made from
dead skin.

The first owner of the Marlboro Company
died of lung cancer.  
So did the first "Marlboro Man."
Walt Disney was afraid of mice     
 The  three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all  the letters from the word "criminal."  The second?
William Jefferson Clinton. 

         And the best for last..... 
Turtles can breathe through their butts.

Now you know
there is to know.

    A new movement has begun to promote Arnold Schwarzenegger for president. He would be a fresh choice for the Oval Office. A rich white Republican who doesn't speak English very well.
    ~Alan Ray

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

An interesting stat

The latest tally shows more Americans voted for President Bush in the election than constitute the entire population of France:

Bush vote: 60,542,369 (As of Nov. 16, 2004)
Source: Yahoo! Election Results

Population of France: 60,424,213 (July 2004 est.)
Source: CIA World Factbook


  As usual the Liberals offer a mixture of sound and original ideas. Unfortunately none of the sound ideas is original and none of the original ideas is sound.
 ~Harold Mcmillan

Another Public Service Announcement

    Your humble Dougster is here to serve and inform and that goes for both conservatives and Liberals as well!
    So, if you happen to be Liberal and your still stressed over the latest election results then our Canadian friends have a deal for you!
    Oh, and don't let the door hit you in the ass...

    Fallujah is 70 percent under control. To put that into perspective, L.A. is only 60 percent.
    ~Jay Leno


Tuesday, November 16, 2004

More PC terms


1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.





6. She is not an "AIRHEAD"  - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

9. She does not "NAG YOU" - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

10. She is not a "SLUT" - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED..


12. She is not a "TWO-BIT WHORE" - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

13. She is not a "LESBIAN" - She is a "VAGITARIAN".


1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.


4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION..



7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.



10. He is not "HORNY" - He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants....It is MALE CLEAVAGE.

    Hillary Clinton wouldn't say Friday when asked if she will run for president in four years. She was too busy to go into detail. When reporters caught up with her she was halfway between a Bible class and her appointment at the shooting range.
    ~Argus Hamilton


 So the liberals have a new Abu Ghraib to whine about, before they armchair quarterback a brave Marine's instantaneous decision in a combat zone they need to think about their own silence  of the enemy combatant's techniques of booby trapping the wounded and dead to take advantage of our troops humanity and the fact that these maggots are hiding out in Mosques to begin with!

    John Kerry is considering running again in 2008. Then again, he could change his mind.
    ~Jay Leno

This is what I call Heavy Metal!!!

     Our boys rocking & rolling!

    It was not lost on Osama bin Laden that it only took 18 dead in Somalia for the Great Satan to pull out. It should not be lost on Americans that this is what the Democrats are again demanding we do in Iraq.
    ~Ann Coulter

Psychiatry humor

Have any of you ever heard of pass syndrome? Somebody told me that it is a psychiatric disorder caused by the victim's divorced parents' fighting. I suppose it has been demonstrated to exist by MRI-scans? And the poor, impoverished pharmaceutical companies are receiving government grants to develop a cure or vaccine for it?

I would like to propose that the DSM assigns a number to the following diseases:

EDS (Economic Deficiency Syndrome);

Hyperoccupatia (having too much to do);

MUS (Maladjusted to Unemployment Syndrome);

Clausterthemia (an illness caused by residing in a dwelling that's too small);

Dyseducatia (not fitting in to the school system);

PVD (Post Vacational Depression, not to be confused with Lunditis, which used to be called Monday morning melancholy).


    Former Ohio State football star Maurice Clarett now says he was given cash, free cars, and took no-show jobs while at the school. Experts say Clarett may not be ready for the NFL, but he's clearly qualified for a career in politics.
    ~Jake Novak

Monday, November 15, 2004

Marboro Marine

Job well done Marines.

November 14, 2004 -- The young Marine dubbed the "Marlboro Man" after his front-page appearance in The Post has become a celebrity poster boy for the U.S. effort in Fallujah and a hero in his hometown.

But there's one drawback to being the Marlboro Man — everyone keeps bumming your smokes. "If you want to write something," Marine Lance Cpl. James Miller, 20, told a reporter this week, "tell Marlboro I'm down to four packs, and I'm here in Fallujah till who knows when. Maybe they can send some. And they can bring down the price a bit."

Marlboro declined comment.

A portrait of the rugged and muddied Miller — snapped after 12 hours of bloody combat with guerrillas — became a powerful symbol for the American forces' gritty effort to retake Fallujah. Marine brass were thrilled with the poignancy of the shot, and Lt. Gen. John Sattler visited Miller's company to applaud them for the feature. News agencies that ran the shot were besieged with calls and e-mails asking for a way to contact the young man.

And back home, in his Appalachian hometown of Jonancy, Ky., his mother reveled at seeing his picture on television just to know her oldest of three sons was OK.

With Post Wire Services

The question isn't "who is going to let me"; it's "who is going to stop me".
~Ayn Rand; The Fountainhead

Sunday, November 14, 2004

In loving memeory

Ma'alot massacre May 15, 1974
(Israel's Independence Day)]
On one black date in May 1974, three PLO terrorists slipped from Lebanon into the northern Israeli town of Ma'alot.  They murdered two parents and a child whom they found at home, then seized a local school, taking more than 100 boys and girls hostage and threatening to kill them unless a number of imprisoned terrorists were released. When Israeli troops attempted a rescue, the terrorists exploded hand grenades and opened fire on the students.  By the time the horror ended, 25 people were dead; 21 of them were children.
Thirty years later, no one speaks of Ma'alot anymore.  The dead children have been forgotten.  Everyone knows Arafat's name, but who ever recalls the names of his victims?
So let us recall them:
Ilana Turgeman 
Rachel Aputa 
Yocheved Mazoz
Sarah Ben-Shim'on 
Yona Sabag
Yafa Cohen 
Shoshana Cohen 
Michal Sitrok 
Malka Amrosy 
Aviva Saada
Yocheved Diyi 
Yaakov Levi
Yaakov Kabla 
Rina Cohen
Ilana Ne'eman 
Sarah Madar 
Tamar Dahan 
Sarah Soper 
Lili Morad
David Madar 
Yehudit Madar 
The 21 dead children of Ma'alot, 21 of the thousands who died at Arafat's command.

    Today I have come bearing an olive branch and a freedom fighter's gun.  Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand.  I repeat: do not let the olive branch fall from my hand.
    ~Yaser Arafat; 1974 the UN General Assembly

Saturday, November 13, 2004

I'm just a humble civil servant

Greetings all

I've heard that there are a few of you that are still not happy with the way result of the 2004 elections. To those disenfranchised with America's choice I point thee here. Please act quickly while supplies last!
Have a great day :)

The proverb warns that 'you should not bite the hand that feeds you'. But maybe you should if it prevents you from feeding yourself.
~Thomas Szasz

What I Am

You're a Republican???

In today's America, ask a growing number of high school and college students; their teachers and professors; the self-anointed media elite and/or hard working men and women of all ethnicities, the question, "What is a Republican", and you'll be told "a rich, greedy, egotistical individual, motivated only by money and the desire to accumulate more and more of it, at the expense of the environment the working poor and all whom they exploit"

I am a Republican. I am none of those things and I don't know any Republicans who are.

WHAT I AM - first and foremost, is a loving husband of some 52 plus years, the father of four and an American who's proud of his country and his country's heritage.

WHAT I AM - is the grandson of immigrants who risked everything, including their lives and those of their children, to escape tyranny in search of freedom.

WHAT I AM - is a man who grew up during the Depression and witnessed, first hand, the effects of the Stock Market crash and the soup lines that followed. I watched as both my parents and grand parents, who had very little themselves, share what food they had with a half dozen other families, who had even less.

WHAT I AM - is someone who worked his way through college by holding down three and four jobs at a time and then used that education to build a better life.

WHAT I AM - is a husband who, at age 24, started his own business for the "privilege" of working 60, 70 and 80 hours a week, risking everything I had, including my health, in search of a better life for myself and my loved ones.

WHAT I AM - is a businessman whose blood, sweat and tears and plenty of them, made it possible for me to provide a secure living, not only for my family and myself, but also for literally hundreds of my employees throughout the years. Employees, who in turn, were able to buy their own homes, raise their own families and give back to their communities and their country.

WHAT I AM - is a man who believes in God; a God who has blessed this country and all for which it stands.

WHAT I AM  is someone who knows, if you doubt miracles exist in today's world, you need only to look into the face of those who received them and the eyes of those who give them.

WHAT I AM - is an American who's proud that his President embraces a belief in God; proud of a President who understands, as "politically incorrect" as it may be, there is evil in this world and for the security and safety of all freedom loving people everywhere, it must be confronted and it must be defeated.

WHAT I AM - is an American who takes comfort in the knowledge that our President refuses to allow decisions concerning the very safety and security of this nation, to be governed by the political whims of foreign governments.

WHAT I AM - is tired of hearing from leading Democrats who see only negativity in America; racism in her people; class warfare in her society and "political incorrectness" in her character.

WHAT I AM - is a former democrat who now understands that it is the soldier and not the reporter that guarantees us our freedoms of press, speech and dissent.

WHAT I AM - is a man who believes in the sanctity of life. A man who is repulsed by the pandering of the political left for votes, at?the expense of the unborn.

WHAT I AM - is a husband and father who believes in the sanctity of marriage and the preservation of the family unit.

WHAT I AM - is a movie go-er who is repulsed by those insecure, socially inept, elementary thinking, ego-inflated "entertainers" who have appointed themselves "experts" in the fields of national security and geo-politics and then use their forum to attack this nation, its leaders and its actions... much to the delight and encouragement of our enemies.

WHAT I AM - is an American who understands the difference between "censorship" and "choice". Evidently, these individuals do not, because when these same "celebrities" receive public ridicule for their offensive actions, the first thing they yell is "Censorship!". What they seem incapable of understanding is the right of free speech and dissent is shared equally by those offended as well as those who offend. I support and will continue to support those films and performers whom I choose to and refuse to support those I don't. It is my right as an American, a right I will continue to enthusiastically exercise.

WHAT I AM - is a voter, tired of politicians, who, every time their voting records are subjected to public scrutiny, try to divert attention from their political and legislative failures by accusing their opponents of "attack ads" and "negative campaigning". and the news media who allow them to get away with it.

WHAT I AM - is a Catholic who loves his God and his Faith and who's been taught to respect all religions whose teachings are based in love, peace and charity. As such, I am embarrassed and ashamed of those individuals, in both private and public life, whose decisions and actions are devoid of any sense of character or morals; individuals who are only driven by what's best for them rather than what's right often times at the expense of many. including our national security.

WHAT I AM - is a realist who understands that the terrorist attack that murdered hundreds of innocent Russian children could have occurred here, in our heartland. That's why I sincerely believe America needs now, more than ever, a President who sees with a clear and focused vision and who speaks with a voice when heard by both friend and foe alike, is understood, respected and believed.

WHAT I AM - is eternally grateful to Ronald Reagan for having the bravery to speak out against Communism and the courage of his convictions in leading the fight to defeat it; and George W. Bush for the vision, courage, conviction and leadership he has shown in America's war on terrorism amidst both the constant and vicious, personal and political attacks both he and his family are made to endure.

WHAT I AM - is a human being, full of numerous faults and failures, but a man nonetheless, who, though not always successful, has continually strived to do "what's right" instead of "what's easy". A man who is challenging the religious leaders of all faiths, to not only preach to their congregations the fundamentals of "what's right" and "what's wrong", but to also then hold them accountable for their actions in both the public and private sectors.

WHAT I AM - is disgusted with the Courts who, on one hand, call the murder of a pregnant woman a "double homicide" but then refer to the abortion of her baby as, "pro-choice".

WHAT I AM - is someone deeply troubled by a political party which embraces a candidate whose primary "leadership" qualities center around his protesting of the Vietnam war and his labeling the honorable men and women who fought in it, (50,000 of whom gave their lives in that action), as rapists, and war criminals. That same political party then stepped forward this year to block the appearance of a true Vietnam war hero, retired Admiral and former United States Senator, Jeremiah Denton, (a man who spent seven years and seven torturous months in a North Vietnam prison), from speaking before an open session of the California legislature as part of that state's 4th of July celebration. The reason Democrats gave for refusing to allow this American hero to speak before their state legislature was because of the "conservative" nature of his views. As an American, that troubles me deeply, as well it should you.

WHAT I AM - is a man who feels the need to spend, $104, 655.60,(tax paid) of his own money, to purchase this advertisement, in order to set the story straight. Some may say this money would have been better spent feeding the world's poor. At the risk of sounding self-serving, as an American and as a Republican, for the last six decades of my life, I have done exactly that and more. Following the examples of my parents and grand parents, I have used my earnings to feed the poor, shelter the homeless, provide housing for the elderly and medical care for the sick... and continue to do so and I'm not alone in that work.

WHAT I AM - is someone who is paying for this announcement, at my sole expense, in hopes of opening the eyes of those led blindly by ill-informed elements of our great nation, who, through either ignorance, or malicious intent, repeatedly attack and belittle those of us who belong to a political party that holds true to the belief, the rights of the governed, exceed the power of the government. For those interested, I am speaking only as a tax-paying individual who is in no way associated with The Republican National Committee, nor with any of its directors, or delegates.

WHAT I AM - is a man who understands, "the American way of life" is a message of self-empowerment for all.

WHAT I AM - is an American who is grateful that our nation gives each of us the opportunity of self-determination and the right to benefit from the fruits of self achievement.

WHAT I AM - is an American who wants to preserve that way of life for all who seek it.

WHAT I AM - is blessed to be an American?. and proud to be Republican.


George J. Esseff, Sr.


For a free reprint of this Open Letter, go to


    The Governor of New Jersey gave his farewell address yesterday. McGreevey said yesterday he was not going to apologize for being a gay American. He would not apologize for being a gay American. Fair enough. How about just apologizing for being a corrupt American?
    ~Jay Leno


Fine Wine

Women are like apples on trees; the best ones are at the top of the tree.

Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the bad or rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy...So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.

They just have to wait for the right man to come along - the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Share this with other women who are good apples - even those who have already been picked!

And remember ... Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

    Madonna said today that we should pull all of our troops out of Iraq. Donald Rumsfeld said, "No, I think we better wait and hear what Britney Spears has to say about it first.
    ~Jay Leno

Friday, November 12, 2004


     You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody's crazy.
    ~Charles Manson

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Talk of secession

The laft has been hinting that they may want to secede from the union. Well take a look at the voter map, county by county:

It seems that a few reservations is a more attainable plan! :)

The Mars Rover sent back stunning photos Tuesday indicating the past presence of water. The pictures show tiny splotches of blue on the Red Planet. The other theory is that the satellite dish on the rover accidentally picked up CNN's election coverage.
~Argus Hamilton

Happy Birthday

The NY post has a great artcile of my birthday... didn't know I was so popular, did ya?
"Carry on the tradition" is all I have to say to my brothers and sisters. The majority of America is behind you!

The hands that help are better far than the lips that pray.
~Robert G. Ingersoll

Pop Gun Quiz!

1. Ted Kennedy, Charles Schumer and Barbara Boxer strongly denounce privategun ownership. Their bodyguards, however, carry:
A. Berettas
B. Glocks
C. Garbage can lids
D. Slingshots
E. Very heavy purses

2. You and your baby daughter are awakened in the middle of the night by your estranged, abusive ex-husband. Although you have a restraining order against him, he is drunk and beats down your front door with a crowbar screaming, "If I can't have you, nobody can!" You should:
A. Call Barbara Boxer.
B. Call 911, and tell them that they should arrive within 30 seconds.
C. Threaten legal action.
D. Grab a ping-pong paddle.
E. Reason with him (maybe he was an abused child).

3. Since 1987, 34 states have enacted concealed carry laws. Violent crime decreased in these states and the anticipated "Dodge City" mayhem never materialized. Even critics were surprised. Concealed carry succeeded because:
A. Sunspot activity decreased after 1987.
B. Trigger locks rendered guns inoperative and therefore safe.
C. Sarah Brady scared the crooks away.
D. A healing wave of pacifism swept over the hearts of criminals in these 34states.
E. Janet Reno said that crime should stop.

4. Schools, churches, subways, and restaurants have often been assaulted,but rarely military bases, police stations, or shooting clubs. The reasonfor this is because:
A. The targets aren't sitting or kneeling.
B. VA benefits are lost if you shoot a soldier.
C. You can't enter an army base without bumper stickers.
D. Schools don't threaten felons with detention hall.
E. All of the above.

5. Logic, reason, and common sense:
A. Are irrelevant if they contradict your feelings.
B. Should not apply to firearms.
C. Defy opinion polls.
D. Pale beside hysteria, fear, and political ambition.
E. All of the above.

6. Every dictator always disarms his victims, before beginning to annihilate freedom loving people. The reason for this is because:
A. Guns cause crime.
B. Guns cause accidents.
C. Guns cause suicides.
D. Being defenseless is the only way that mothers can demonstrate their love for their children
E. All of the above

They're now saying Arafat is dead again. I think the Israelis better hit him with a targeted missile strike just for old-times' sake; whatever the case, he isn't going anywhere fast. It'll be funny to hear the impotent cries of rage from France if Israel attack Paris, too.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Put on the tinfoil hats folks!

The 'laft' has a new conspiracy theory as to how Bush stole the elections, this one is the best yet!

Pixar's new movie "The Incredibles" is all about a hopelessly overweight former super hero who comes out of retirement to save the world. Democrats hope the film will serve as an inspiration for Bill Clinton.
~Jake Novak

Still Gloating

President Bush beat John Kerry by several million votes Tuesday. Republicans increased their majority in the House and Senate. If it had gone any worse for the Democrats, Martin Sheen would have been replaced on The West Wing by Toby Keith.
~Argus Hamilton

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Survey, if your interested

My research partner Barbara Kaye and I are professors at Southern Illinois University-Carbondale and University of Tennessee-Knoxville.  We are conducting an online survey that examines the motivations for accessing the Web, weblogs, chat rooms, bulletin boards and other Internet resources for political information. Our survey has been approved by the University of Tennessee institutional review board and is being conducted for academic purposes only.

We are specifically looking for individuals who connect to online political information to fill out our survey.

Survey URL:

    News that Dolly Parton is having breast reduction surgery is leading some to believe that she could be starting a major trend. But experts say President Bush's re-election victory proves big boobs will always be popular in this country.
    ~Jake Novak

Jacques Chirac visits President George Bush. "Tell me George how do you put together such an efficient team while I'm assisted by a bunch of morons".
"Simple Jack, I constantly test my cabinet Secretaries. If they respond correctly, they stay on. Otherwise I fire them. It's a 'best of breed' process, I'm sure of keeping only the smartest ones".
Bush then calls Powell. "Colin, I'm going to ask you a question. You know the rules. If you're wrong, you're fired. OK? Here we go: It is your mother's child, but it's neither your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Colin Powell thinks for a few seconds and then answers: "That's easy. It's me!"
"Perfect", Bush says, "you stay on".

Chirac is very impressed. As soon as he gets back to Paris he calls on Raffarin (that's the Prime Minister for you libs). "Raffarin, I'm going to ask you a question. If you answer correctly, you stay on as Prime Minister. If not, you're fired. Here it is: it is your mother's child, but it's neither your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Raffarin, aware of his own shortcomings, requests a brief delay to think it over. Chirac gives him 24 hours. Raffarin rushes back to his palace, calls his cabinet ministers, and soon a group of senior civil service mandarins are studying the question. All of the possible outcomes are covered. After several hours of study, a guy more clever than the rest says: "We must ask Juppé! (Former Chirac's Prime Minister and currently President of the Conservative Majority for you liberal types) He's always right and he knows what the President has on his mind."
"Great idea!" Raffarin immediately places a call to Juppé. "Hello Alain? It's Raffarin. Chirac wants an answer to this question and since you know him so well you can find the answer. The question is: It is your mother's child, but it's neither your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Right away, Juppé snickers slightly and with his well known superior attitude responds: "That's easy, it's me."
The next day Raffarin rushes to the Presidential Palace. "President Sir, President Sir, I know who it is!"
"OK, OK, Raffarin. So, your mother's child who is neither your brother or your sister, who is it?"
"It's Juppé, President Sir."
Chirac's eyes bulge wide open. "Pack your bags Raffarin. The correct answer is Colin Powell!!!!!"

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
~Mark Twain

Hey there!

Just a friendly reminder to all our liberal friends.

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul
can always depend on the support of Paul.

~George Bernard Shaw

Friday, November 05, 2004

Holy Shi...!

kotsu was right, Bush is ordering up a draft! I guess I stand corrected on that one...

Flights were delayed for hours at LAX yesterday after a crazed naked man sprinted onto the tarmac and attempted to climb into the wheel well of a 747. Okay, which one of you wise guys told Howard Dean the election results?
~Jake Novak

30 second movie

I've never seen the Texas Chainsaw Massacre but thanks to this wonderful reenactment, I don't need to waste my money now...

"Kindly let me help you or you will drown," said
the monkey, putting the fish safely in a tree.
~Alan Watts

Bon Voyage!


We at Carnival Cruise Lines didn't forget that a lot of entertainers had promised to leave the country if George W.Bush were to be re-elected President.

With that in mind, we have a Special Offer for those who still want to keep their promise!
Attention: Would Alec Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell and her wife, Ed Asner, Janeane Garafalo, Whoppi Goldberg, Al Franken, Michael Moore, Cher, Phil Donahue, Rob Reiner (apparently still a "meathead"), Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda, Pierre Salinger, as well as the entire staffs of the LA and NY Times and anyone else who made that promise, please dispose of all US assets and report to Florida for the sailing of the Funship Cruise, "Elation,"  which has been commissioned to take you to your new vacation homes in Afghanistan.
You may opt to be dropped off in Somalia or Iraq.
The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise.
Please pack for an extended stay... at least four more years.
Note: Since you advocate strict gun control, you may not bring any.
Staffing your voyage is Bill Clinton as captain, Al Gore as cruise director, Grey Davis as purser and Monica Lewinsky as the "Cigar and Cigarette Girl".


Teresa Heinz-Kerry hopefully will be kept somewhere below decks, away from the media.
Entertainment by the Dixie Chicks and Bruce Springsteen.  John Kerry will be your Life Guard in consideration of his past experience in pulling people out of the water. (Unless he decides at the last minute not to go)  He is advocating the elimination of the game "shuffleboard" in favor of his new game he calls "waffleboard".  Be sure to pack your flip flops as you will need them while playing.
Ted Kennedy will double as Bartender,  Lifeguard Instructor, and Director of Emergency Procedures.
Rev. Al Sharpton will provide inspirational services, and Ex-Congressman Gary Condit as intern coordinator.
If you have any questions about making arrangements for your homes, friends and loved ones, please direct your comments to Senator Hillary Clinton.  Her village can raise your children while you're gone, and she can watch over all your money and your furnishings until you return.
"Bon Voyage!"


   Communism works perfectly in textbooks. Within nations, it doesn't operate so flawlessly. Since academics inhabit the theoretic world and not the practical world, it's unsurprising that they would embrace something that works in the former but not in the latter.
    ~Daniel Flynn

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Cat wars

The first was an Engineer, the second an Accountant, the third was a chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker.

To show off, The Engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-Square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was a pretty smart cat, but the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was really good, but the Chemist said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up picked up a 500ml graduated cylinder, walked over to the fridge, took out a liter of milk, got a 300 ml glass from the cupboard, measured and poured exactly 275 ml of milk into the glass without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good too. Then the three men turned to the Government Worker and said, "What can your cat do?"
The Government worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, pooped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers comp, and went home on sick leave.

How did an allegedly free people spawn a vast, rampant cuttlefish of dominion with its tentacles in every orifice of the body politic?
~P.J. O'Rourke