Cat wars

The first was an Engineer, the second an Accountant, the third was a chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker.

To show off, The Engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-Square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was a pretty smart cat, but the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was really good, but the Chemist said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up picked up a 500ml graduated cylinder, walked over to the fridge, took out a liter of milk, got a 300 ml glass from the cupboard, measured and poured exactly 275 ml of milk into the glass without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good too. Then the three men turned to the Government Worker and said, "What can your cat do?"
The Government worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, pooped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers comp, and went home on sick leave.

How did an allegedly free people spawn a vast, rampant cuttlefish of dominion with its tentacles in every orifice of the body politic?
~P.J. O'Rourke