Wednesday, May 30, 2007


    The third largest company for daily oil production is in Mexico. See, this is how we break this immigration deadlock, make everyone sneaking across the border carry just one barrel of oil.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


    What a beautiful day. Sunny and 70. Just like Katie Couric.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


    Hamas has started a new children's show, which features Farfur, a Mickey Mouse knock-off who teaches Islamic radicalism and hatred toward America and Israel. Farfur replaces the network's previous children's show, Dora the Exploder.
    ~Seth Meyers

Monday, May 14, 2007


    It's a beautiful day. Or, as Al Gore calls it, the last gasp of a dying planet.

Saturday, May 12, 2007


    The federal government may fine or even imprison film director Michael Moore for taking an unauthorized trip to Cuba. Actually, the feds are only angry because Moore decided to come back to America.
Jake Novak

Thursday, May 10, 2007


    Nation, we did it again. This past Sunday, the French people went to the polls and elected conservative, pro-American candidate Nicolas Sarkozy as their new president. ... Just how American is he? He's allowed himself to be photographed with George W. Bush, which means he's more American than many of our presidential candidates.
    ~Stephen Colbert

Wednesday, May 09, 2007


    Historic day at the White House. Earlier today at the White House, President Bush met with the Queen Elizabeth II. There was an awkward moment when President Bush called her "Queen Elizabeth the sequel."

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


    Warren Beatty said he will compete for the role of Richard Nixon in the film version of Nixon and Frost against the Broadway play's star, Frank Langella. One played Bugsy Siegel and one played Dracula. They're both so evenly qualified for the role it may have to be settled by a coin flip.

Monday, May 07, 2007


    Conservative Nicolas Sarkozy was elected President of France Sunday. Of course in France, a conservative is someone who opposes abortion after the 16th trimester.
    ~Jake Novak

Saturday, May 05, 2007


    According to the New York Post, Hillary Clinton used three private jets in a single day, in a campaign swing through South Carolina. Today she was officially named a Hollywood environmentalist.

Friday, May 04, 2007


    Bush's illegal and immoral veto of a bill that would finally end his illegal and immoral war sends a dangerous message to our troops that not only is the war winnable, but that their congressional leaders are a bunch of limp-wristed surrender monkeys as well.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007


    Denny of Grouchy Old Cripple was contemplating how the Democrats are the new Tokyo Rose because they're hitting the same three themes that the Japanese used in their propaganda, namely:

1. Your President is lying to you.

2. This war is illegal.

3. You cannot win the war.

I'm not sure about #2, but after a little research, I discovered that there was also a fourth theme - which the Democrats aren't using yet, but it won't surprise me when they do - which I'll call for the sake of decorum "Your wife isn't lonely".


Tuesday, May 01, 2007

True Life

Went to the local friendly IRS office this morning  I walk up to the 4th desk where a sign says to come for assistance. The guys sitting at the first and third desks let me stand there for a couple of minutes before the guy at the third moves over, literally, two feet to help me. I explain I'm there to get help filling out the "injured spouse" form so I can get my return back. He claims I need a waiting number, goes in the back to fetch one taking a few more minutes. I get it, true to a Monty Python sketch, my number is ringed to be helped before I even get the opportunity to make a firm ass print in the waiting chair. By then the guy in the third desk is back to his original spot. Looks up like he never seen me before and wants me to explain the problem all over again... it goes down from there.

"We're not here to fill forms out for you, we're here to answer questions!" the guy claims. I put the paper work in front of him, "what do I put in line three?" And the process is repeated all the way down the form.