Sunday, November 30, 2008

Message from Santa

Dear Friends

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.

The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 piperspiping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit.

On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January. Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart before everything is gone.

  You know you gained weight over Thanksgiving week when you sit in the bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.
    ~Argus Hamilton

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Jonathan Kay on cystic fibrosis, and the disgrace of Carleton University's Students' Association

Posted: November 25, 2008, 5:22 PM by Jonathan Kay

Cystic fibrosis is a horrible disease. A congenital ailment, CF affects the mucus glands of the lungs, liver, pancreas, and intestines, gradually interfering with digestive and respiratory functions until such time as the victim dies from organ failure — usually in his or her 30s.
All of which would seem to make cystic fibrosis research a worthy cause, right?

Wrong, you racist! This week, the Students' Association at Carleton University in Ottawa voted to drop cystic fibrosis as the beneficiary of its annual $1-million Shinearama fundraiser. The reason: CF "has been recently revealed to only affect white people, and primarily men" — and therefore is insufficiently "inclusive."

Even by the loopy standards of students governments, this has got to be a new low. Had the author of this resolution (update: we now know who moved this thing — see below) bothered so much as to look at Wikipedia, here is what he or she would have found: "Approximately 1 in 25 people of European descent … is a carrier of a cystic fibrosis mutation. Although CF is less common in these groups, approximately 1 in 46 Hispanics, 1 in 65 Africans and 1 in 90 Asians carry at least one abnormal CFTR gene. Cystic fibrosis is diagnosed in males and females equally."

That same author would also have found a photo of a young, pitiful-looking black girl staring back at him from behind a mask nebuliser. (Good thing for her the disease "only affect[s] white people," huh?)

But even if it were true that only white males got CF, what of it? We raise money for breast cancer even though it is primarily a female disease. We raise money for Tay-Sachs, even thought it strikes almost exclusively Jews. We raise money for AIDS, even though it disproportionately affects gays and blacks. That's because we raise money to save people — not tribes.

Members of the Students' Association at Carleton University have disgraced themselves and their school. In a fair world, their funding would be docked by the same amount they raised for CF last year — and the money directed toward the disease's victims, in all their "inclusive" need.

p.s. Find out what ordinary non-whacko students think about the matter here.

p.p.s. I just got hold of the actual text of the resolution, and its mover and seconder:

Motion to Drop Shinerama Fundraising Campaign from Orientation Week
Whereas Orientation week strives to be [as] inclusive as possible;
Whereas all orientees and volunteers should feel like their fundraising efforts will serve the their diverse communities;
And Whereas Cystic fibrosis has been recently revealed to only affect white people, and primarily men
Be it resolved that: CUSA discontinue its support of this campaign
Be it Further Resolved that the CUSA representatives on the incoming Orientation Supervisory Board work to select a new broad reaching charity for orientation week.
Moved: Donnie Northrup           
Seconded: Meera Chander


    General Motors announced that they are ending their endorsement deal with Tiger Woods. When asked why, a spokesperson for General Motors said, 'Tiger Woods is successful, competitive, and popular. And that's just not us.'

    ~Conan O'Brien

You'd be a dummy to believe any of it


    President Bush has a plan. He says that if we need to, we can lower the temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius.
    ~Jimmy Kimmel

Sunday, November 23, 2008


Services to be held Jan 20, 2009 in Washington, D.C.

    Thursday was World Toilet Day, and Wall Street celebrated by flushing everybody's 401Ks
    ~Pedro Bartes

बेगिन देप्रोग्रमिंग

Friday, November 21, 2008

No Cabinet Spot for al Zawahri

Al Qaeda's number two, Ayman al Zawahri, released a video today praising Malcolm X, and slamming America as an "criminal imperialist opressor".

I know what you're thinking: he's obviously angling for a spot in President Obama's cabinet. Well, too bad, Big Al, but you blew it with that "House Negro" remark. The Democrat Party does not tolerate such racially divisive language when its directed at anyone but a Black Republican. Perhaps if Zahawri clarifies his remarks and explains that he was actually referring to Condoleeza Rice, there might be a place for him on the pulpit at Obama's church. If he amps up his anti-American rants a little bit, I'm sure he could even get a job teaching at the University of Illinois.

He already attacked the Pentagon once, so that should look good on his resume.


~Liberal Larry



    It's now being reported that Hillary Clinton will accept the position of secretary of state. Actually, this works out great for the Clintons. While Hillary is concentrating on foreign affairs, Bill can get back to concentrating on domestic affairs.

    ~Jay Leno

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Little Chandrasekhar

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student
named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The
teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who
said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his
hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

'Very good!'

Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People,
shall not perish from the Earth?'

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'
said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed.
Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its
history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F*ck the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.

'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said

Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime
Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts
to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If
you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, '
Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'

The teacher fainted.

And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor,
someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'

And Chandrasekhar said quietly, "I think it was the American
people, November 5, 2008."

    If a first term Congress-critter has the experience to run for, and win, the Presidency why can't he appoint a Secretary of State who's foreign policy experience is dodging imaginary sniper fire?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Then and now

Great Orators of the Democratic Party...

'One man with courage makes a majority.'
  - Andrew Jackson


'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.'
  -  Franklin D.  Roosevelt


'The buck stops here.'
  - Harry S. Truman


'Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.'
  - John F. Kennedy

And for today's democrats...

'It depends what your definition of 'IS' is?''
  - Bill Clinton

'That Obama - I would like to cut his NUTS off.'
  - Jesse Jackson

'Those rumors are false ... I believe in the sanctity of marriage.'
   - John Edwards


'I invented the Internet'
  - Al Gore

'The next Person that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads up their ***.'
  - Joe Biden


 ' America is--is no longer, uh, what it--it, uh, could be, uh what it was once was...uh, and I say to myself, 'uh, I don't want that future, uh, uh for my children.' ''
   - Barack Obama


 'I have campaigned in all 57 states.
  - Barack Obama


'You don't need God anymore, you have us democrats.'
  - Nancy Pelosi     (said back in 2006)


'Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he.'
  - Hillary Clinton    (said back in 1998)

Monday, November 17, 2008

Obama wish list


    A good government is one "which shall restrain men from injuring one another, shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread that it has earned.
    ~Thomas Jefferson


Sunday, November 16, 2008

Sneaking Weapons Past the Enemy



You know how James Bond has weapons disguised as common objects, like bazooka pens, so he can sneak his weapons past the enemy? Well, what if Obama is a big peacenik president who is like, "I don't like weapons. Weapons are bad. No more weapons." Then the military may need to hide weapons in common objects to sneak them past him.

MILITARY COMMANDER: These aren't bazookas. They're pens. We're just making the military lots of pens.

OBAMA: I dunno. Something seems fishy here. What does the military needs with pens? I thought everyone in it was illiterate and that's why they got stuck in Iraq.

MILITARY COMMANDER: No, that's… Hey, look what I found! It's a bucket that looks approximately the size of your head.

OBAMA: Interesting. Being a very smart person, I do have an intellectual curiosity about such things. Now, if I look at the radius for this bucket and remember the equation for the volume of a cylinder, then… Ahh! I got the bucket stuck on my head!

MILITARY COMMANDER: Quick! Arm up the military before he gets it off!

Yeah, that's pretty much how I envisioned warfare would be like in the 21st century.


Posted by Frank J.



    I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say things are not going well for the Republicans. Two years ago they controlled both the White House and the Congress. Soon, they'll be controlling both the Coke machine and the fry station.

    ~Stephen Colbert

Saturday, November 15, 2008

A lesson for Washington

Another excpert frommy on going conversation with a commie/socialist/liberal/Marxist/NAZI/Progressive/Stalinist/Green Party friend of mine. His response in red:
My little "KKKapitalist" loins are starting to blossom, I found out that the kids have been making money from their mates! They found some cheap candy left over from Halloween for $2 a bag and have been selling them for various prices at "skool".
Time for them to pay rent. Show them the importance of investing in real estate. The teacher isn't just standing over them for a cut of the action? Tell the boys to negotiate a deal that they get a 'green light' to continue their business.
Am I hearing you right? Basically in your little analogy the teacher is acting as the government, making a way for itself with threatening to oversee the operation which can be easily gotten around with a pay-off?
Hmmmm, sounds a lot like the housing crisis.
Let's go one more step with this, let's say the teacher requires the boys to sell candy to other kids that can't afford it. Now when the candy market collapses in the classroom who is responsible? Is more teacher oversight the solution?

surely you're not expecting a reply to that?
You'll be happy to know Angelo has experimented with your silly socialist system though. It seems no one had brought money to buy his candy today at skool so the little fool started...
excuse me, had to gag for a moment.
So, like I was saying, the little fool began to...
Oh, that sickening feeling returned.
So, the little jackass decided it would be sound policy to... g-g-give the candy away for...
for free!!!
He was very disappointed when he came home broke, wanted ME to buy him another bag of candy (little bastard was looking for a bailout!!!) instead of use his own money to replace his foolish business policy!
Lessons are such a hard bitch to learn, I think I need to retell this story to the Ivy league educated simpletons in Washington to learn a thing or two... of course YOU don't seem to pick anything up from it, I doubt them commies would either.
So, basically, you're punishing your child for being a good Christian and giving to the poor. You should be ashamed of yourself. So much for Christian values in the Stanziano household.
I'm gonna send an Exorcist over.
Wonder what Max Von Sydow is doing these days.
Subsidizing dumb ass decisions only encourages more dumb ass decisions; hmmm, there is a lesson to be learned there somewhere for Washington. I need to post the discussion on my blog to share with the rest of humanity!


Dear fellow employees:

 As the owner of this business that employs 140 people, I have resigned
 myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our next President, and
 that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.
 To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Clients will have
 to see an increase in our fees to them of about 8% but since we cannot
 increase our fees right now due to the dismal state of our economy, we
 will have to lay off eight of our employees instead. This has really
 been eating at me for a while, as we believe we are family here and I
 didn't know how to choose who will have to go.
Overwrought with this decision, I strolled through our parking lot and
 found 8 Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided
 these folks will be the first to be laid off. I can't think of a more
 fair way to approach this problem. These folks wanted change; I gave
 it to them. If you have a better idea, let me know.
The Owner

    Congress tried to soak the rich, but drenched the middle class instead.
    - Sen. Connie Mack, R-Fla., during debate on H.R. 2264, the 1993 budget reconciliation bill