Tuesday, August 30, 2005

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    America Online is giving away a fully loaded Hummer H2 and nearly $100,000 in cash and gold bars in a contest open to members and non-members alike through August 19.  The cash and prizes to be given away are the ill-gotten gains of a spammer who not only helped AOL to win it's lawsuit against other spammers, but also forfeited his spamming proceeds to AOL under the CAN-SPAM Act of 2003. Contest organizers announced the big giveaway via a mass unsolicited e-mail to virtually everyone on the Internet.
    ~Charles Gulledge

Monday, August 29, 2005

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    What's up with this forced evacuation in New Orleans, home of the free and land of the brave? Another example of the continual pussification of America.
    ~DaD

Sunday, August 28, 2005

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    The Brooklyn woman who stabbed her husband to death after he complained her butt was too big is off the hook. The judge in the case says he just didn't want to look at all the evidence.
    ~Jake Novak

Saturday, August 27, 2005

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    How many of you are glad they're writing a new constitution in Iraq? How many of you just wish they'd stop rewriting ours here at home? 
    ~Jay Leno

Friday, August 26, 2005

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    A study says women scientists face hostility, bias and lack of  respect in pursuing their careers. This makes them just like men scientists.
    ~Jim Barach

Thursday, August 25, 2005

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    The Illinois State Police have cancelled a contract with a DNA lab that failed to detect semen on evidence tests. In a related story,  Bill Clinton has just filed to run for Governor of Illinois.
    ~Jim Barach

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

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    Bush woke up this morning, saw his shadow and now -- six more weeks of vacation.
    ~Jay Leno

Monday, August 22, 2005

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    The world is dangerous not because of those who do harm, but because of those who look at it without doing anything.
    ~Albert Einstein

Friday, August 19, 2005

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    And while President Bush was out of town Hillary Clinton stopped by the White House on Friday for an important meeting with her decorator.
    ~Jay Leno

Thursday, August 18, 2005

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    Waffle House restaurants in Virginia have settled cases of claims of  racial discrimination by customers who say they were treated rudely. Waffle House says from now on they will treat all customers equally rudely.
    ~Jim Barach

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

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    Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results.
    ~Margaret Atwood; The Handmaid's Tale

Monday, August 15, 2005

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    The Democrats are all over this. They're complaining President Bush has spent over 21% of his time out of the White House. Well that's nothing. Since Bush has been president Democrats have been out of the White House 100% of the time.
    ~Jay Leno

Sunday, August 14, 2005

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    Seven Russian sailors are now safe after they were trapped at the bottom of the Pacific for three days with little oxygen in their mini submarine.   The men will now go back home where they are expected to star in the first-ever Russian deodorant commercial.
    ~Jake Novak

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

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    Long-time ABC World News Tonight anchorman Peter Jennings has died. Although he was only 67, he still outlived network news by about five years.
    ~Jake Novak

Monday, August 08, 2005

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    The New York Post reporting today that three years ago Osama bin Laden tried to buy massive amounts of cocaine in order to poison it and then sell it here in America. This is part of Osama's plan to destroy show business.
    ~Jay Leno

Friday, August 05, 2005

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    Like Hollywood stars, Democrats lose elections, but they were honored just to be nominated.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

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    A Kenyan man has offered Bill Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter Chelsea's hand in marriage. But Clinton says he's been staying clear of cows since the Monica Lewinsky scandal.
    ~Jake Novak

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    The Post Office has proposed raising first class postage to 39 cents. The increase would not take effect until 2006. When the clerks return from their breaks.
    ~Alan Ray

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

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    Senate Democrats are continuing to demand some of the memos Supreme Court nominee John Roberts wrote while he worked in the White House. It’s not that the Democrats think they’ll find anything scandalous in the documents, they just hope looking at the memos will remind them of what it’s like to be in power.
    ~Jake Novak

Monday, August 01, 2005

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    The flat tax is best, some contend,
But the sales tax has much to commend.
    Taxing income or sales --
These are minor details
    'Til we limit what Congress can spend!
    ~F. R. Duplantier; Politickles