Saturday, December 31, 2005

.


    There is a struggle in Iraq between good and evil, between those striving for freedom and liberty and those striving for death and destruction.

Friday, December 30, 2005

.


   Shotgun wielding Pinkertons unleashed the attack dogs and full-bore firehoses as race riots engulfed Hotlanta earlier today after the state legislature approved the reactionary, Jim Crow-like message that you actually have to show some proof of who you are to vote. Georgia state Rep. Alisha Thomas Morgan let’s the po-po know that they be messing with a soulja, or possibly a knight.
    ~Smantix

Thursday, December 29, 2005

.


    Our treatment of Kwanzaa provides a revealing sign of how far we have yet to travel on the road to reconciliation. The white establishment has thrown in with it, not just to cash in on the business, but to patronize black activists and shut them up.
    ~Tony Snow

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Worth Forwarding

From: John Mikelson
Sent: Monday, December 26, 2005 11:35 PM


I have a special request. I'm sure many of you are currently writing cards to friends and family. If you can, please send an extra one (or 10, or 20) to our American military heroes who are recuperating from wounds this Christmas Season. Please enclose a short note thanking them for their service and personal sacrifice. They are the protectors of our freedom, we must let them know.

Your small act of kindness will be greatly appreciated.
Here's the address...

A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20307-5001

If you would, please forward this message to your email friends.

.


    South Carolina is already bemoaning the "loss" of education funding that will happen when North Carolina's gambling enterprise starts up. If all the lottery money is "extra" money to be spent on education, why the problems?
Because SC, like every other government that's addicted to gambling programs, cannot stand ANY decrease in any spending program, EVER.

 

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

.


    A heartwarming holiday reminder from the AP:  Things in Iraq suck, freedom isn’t really free, a vote isn’t really a vote, Christmas mass is a terror event, and in the old days—before they were torn asunder out of fear and the mass exodus caused by post-invasion security concerns—happy families ran barefoot through Baghdad laughing and flying kites… 

 

Monday, December 26, 2005

.

 
Your 2005 Song Is
Feel Good Inc by Gorillaz

"Love forever love is free.
Let's turn forever you and me."

In 2005, you were loving life and feeling no pain.

.


    Before we get started, to our Christian views I want to say Merry Christmas. To our Jewish viewers, Happy Hanukah. To our African American viewers, Happy Kwanza. To our viewers working at Wal-Mart, Feliz Navidad.
    ~Leno   

Friday, December 23, 2005

.


    The good news is that transit workers are now going back to work. The bad news is the city's cabs and commuter vans are charging them $3,500 each to get there.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

12 Politically Correct Days of Christmas

OK, everyone, sing along, cadence notwithstanding ...

    On the 2th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 8-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),

TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs

THREE deconstructionist poets

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses

and...

ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

Merry Christmas !!!!

(unless otherwise prohibited by law)

* Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with a suggestion that your have a thoroughly adequate day.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

.


    Kwazy Kwanza, enjoy your ancient holiday that dates all the way back to the 1960's.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

.


    Enough is enough, their [New York City Transit Workers ] benefits are as rich as you see anywhere in this country and they are still complaining. I don't get it.
    ~Craig DeRosa

Monday, December 19, 2005

.


    I'd have thought the idea that the Media was biased to the left was fairly obvious(except to the Left who call it the SCLM or 'So-Called Liberal Media") but some eggheads did a study to see if it was anyway.
    ~spacemonkey

Sunday, December 18, 2005

.


    Do you know that George Bush and his father have nicknames for each other? Like President Bush calls his dad "forty-one” because he was the forty-first president. His father calls George W. "forty-three” because that’s his approval rating.
    ~Leno

Saturday, December 17, 2005

.


From IMAO replies:
    Hmm, I was just thinking what a waste it is to execute these people, but not use their organs. The method of execution prevents this. Now, if we had execution by surgery, we could take out the vital organs and then kill them. Better yet, we could take out their vital organs, and then have the doctors try to wake them up...
    ~Posted by Brad
 
    If we removed all their vital organs and they were still able to wake them, they'd be Democrats.
    ~Posted by Undercover Hippie

 

Friday, December 16, 2005

.


    You can tell that the new GOP video has struck a raw nerve among the Democrats. Rather than try to debunk it as factually incorrect, they do this.

Since torture seems to be the topic of the minute

 

People were dropped into you, and basically deep-fried to a golden brown. It probably takes a little while for you to lose your temper, but when you do...

What torture would you be?

Thursday, December 15, 2005

.


    Anybody who doesn’t appreciate what America has done and President Bush, let them go to hell.


Wednesday, December 14, 2005

.


    Al Sharpton is getting his own show on CBS. I believe it’s called "The Amazing Race Card”.
    ~Leno

.

 
You Are Blitzen
Always in good spirits, you're the reindeer who loves to party down with Santa.

Why You're Naughty: You're always blitzed on Christmas Eve, while flying!

Why You're Nice: You mix up a mean eggnog martini.

Monday, December 12, 2005

.


    Like "The Duke" before him, Arnold Schwarzenegger has become indistinguishable from the characters he plays in his movies. Instead of “terminating” every Sarah Connor in the phonebook, however, Ahhhnuld has taken it upon himself to snuff out beloved children’s book authors with cute, cuddly sounding nicknames.

.


    Today the First Lady read the "Grinch” to a group of school children. There was an unfortunate event when she was interrupted by Dick Cheney when he yelled, "Go Grinch!”
    ~Conan

Sunday, December 11, 2005

.


     I don’t think President Bush really understood the meaning of Hanukah. After the candles were lit, he sang happy birthday and blew them out.
    ~Leno

Saturday, December 10, 2005


    Bono is 44. He's too old to "rock." I know people have been saying the same thing about Rolling Stones for years now, and every time the Rolling Stones go on tour, they prove their critics right.
    ~Maddox

Friday, December 09, 2005

.

The guys at Sacred Cow Burgers have done it again. 'Tis true that one picture is worth a thousand words. These traitorous bastards should be hauled off and shot.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

.


    Even when a psychotic break during courtroom proceedings left an obviously disturbed Saddam Hussein shouting,"Allah Allah Oxen Free!" at the top of his lungs while holding a copy of the Quran for Dummies, he was still viewed as being more credible than his defense adviser, former U.S. Attorney General Ramsey Clark. *

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

.


    The creator of the game, Rockstar Games, has stated that it will offer a downloadable patch to fix the sex issue in the PC versions, and is working on a new version of the game that will prevent this content from being unlocked in the future. Thank God. I'll be the first person to download and patch my PC version of "Grand Theft Auto." I want to shoot people in the face, bang prostitutes, traffic drugs, steal cars, and terrorize police officers without this filthy smut in my game.
    ~Maddox

Sunday, December 04, 2005

.


    Americans are no longer in love with freedom.  In fact, the case can be made that Americans are afraid of freedom.  Oh, they want to be free to go on vacation and to chose where to live, who to marry and what to wear each day, but that just about covers it.  Americans  want the government to educate their children, guarantee their jobs, determine their wages, provide them with medical care, pay for their prescriptions,  ensure their comfort in retirement, regulate their business competitors,  and control the actions of their neighbors.  If you suggest that the responsibility for any of these factors be placed back into the hands of the individual the screams and howls of outrage and indignation will be heard across the country.
    ~Boortz

Saturday, December 03, 2005

.


    Question for Amazon, If the book is so good, why are you having to cut the price 32% 2 weeks after it's release? Mark another company up on the BUSTED list.
    ~GOP&College

Friday, December 02, 2005

.


    MoveOn.org has a new ad out, which includes a shot of "American troops stuck in Iraq".
Trouble is, they used a picture of British troops in the video, one of whom is wearing shorts (which are not part of the American uniform).
Normally I'd just say "buncha dumbasses" and ignore it, but as we all know, it's not the lie, it's the cover-up that'll bring you down.
    ~Harvey

Thursday, December 01, 2005

.


    The ancient world's Cindy Sheehans, Al Frankens, and Michael Moores all lived in Carthage. That's why schoolchildren learn about the Roman Empire and not the Carthaginian.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

.


    Do you know that the uniforms the Border Patrol wears are made in Mexico? I was as shocked as you. Why weren’t these uniforms made in China?
    ~
Leno

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

.


    I think we have more machinery of government than is necessary, too many parasites living on the labor of the industrious.
    ~Thomas Jefferson

Monday, November 28, 2005

.

 
You Passed the US Citizenship Test
Congratulations - you got 8 out of 10 correct!

.


    You can tell the hip-hop music community has thrown a successful awards show when they can crow that "no one was stabbed in the lung this year."

Friday, November 25, 2005

.


    It is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of
Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits,
and humbly to implore his protection and favors.
    ~George Washington; Thanksgiving Proclamation, 3 October 1789

Thursday, November 24, 2005

.


    Thanksgiving is almost here. Today President Bush pardoned the White House turkey. Dick Cheney however wanted to torture it.
    ~Conan

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

.


    You racist Nazis will just have to celebrate white man’s eradication of the indigenous peoples without me this year. It saddens me just as deeply as it does you.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

.


    Don't judge folks by their relatives.
    ~Old Farmers Advice

Monday, November 21, 2005

.


    Why the United Nations is useless. Other than Ted Kennedy, what could be more unnecessary than these sumbitches? They can park where they want, fondle women, cuss out valet parkers and get away with it. They're kinda like Colin Farrell with fewer screen credits.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

.


    William Jefferson Clinton (aka Bill Clinton, Slick Willie, Birr Crinton (to his Buddhist Monk contributors and ChiCom handlers, anyway), The Draft Dodger, The Liar, The [expletive deleted] Liar, The Husband of That Other [expletive deleted] Liar, The Quantum Liar, The Rapist, Myra Rozenblat) was speaking at Hofstra University on Thursday, November 10.  They were doing a retrospective of the 42nd Presidency there.  One must wonder if it was rated R or X
    ~Doc Farmer

Saturday, November 19, 2005

.


    I Am Supporting The Democratic Challengers To:
  • Rep. Charlie Bass (R-NH)
  • Rep. Mark Kirk (R-IL)
  • Rep. Jim Walsh (R-NY)
  • Rep. Joe Schwarz (R-MI)

        Along with any sentient turd that may challenge Denny Hastert. These people need to go away with all speed, and I no longer care if they are replaced with blatant communists. I'd rather have my tax money going to an out and out slut than subsidizing whores.    ~The Therapist


  • Friday, November 18, 2005

    .


        With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world, it is worth reflecting on a death which almost went unnoticed last week.
        Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully in his sleep at the age of 93.The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
        They put his left leg in.
        And then the trouble started....
        ~
    The Conservative UAW Guy

    Thursday, November 17, 2005

    .

     
    I am Ebola. Hear Your Organs Squelch.
    Which Horrible Affliction are you?
    A Rum and Monkey disease.

    .


    … but Jimmy Carter really sucked.
     
        Hypothetical - You get hired for a job. Although you show up for work every day on time wearing your best attitude, you are a real screw up.
        For all your good intentions, you lose several of your major clients and the bottom line takes a hit.
        A rival company in Cedar Rapids proceeds to kick the crap out of you even though they are still writing their software in DOS.
        As the morale of those under you hits bottom, you deep down feel that you and the company deserve to fail.
        Fast forward twenty years after they unceremoniously threw you out the door with your cardboard box.
        What reaction should you receive as you show up unannounced and opine that the current management is really screwing things up?
        I personally would have Security on you before you could push the elevator button.
        ~Posted by Cranky

    Wednesday, November 16, 2005

    .


        Imagine if Malkin was on the left, this gorgeous, brilliant, self made intellectual star would be on the cover of Vogue, W, Elle, Vanity Fair etc.-  what a role model - for anyone with spine!  But nooooo - the silence is deafening
        ~Atlas

    Tuesday, November 15, 2005

    .


        The price of gas is down for the 5th straight week. President Bush has called an emergency cabinet meeting to find out what the hell went wrong.
        ~Leno

    Sunday, November 13, 2005

    .


        Regis Philbin and Donald Trump have recorded a CD full of Christmas music. It’s doing very well overseas. The police in Paris are using it to disperse rioters.
        ~Letterman


    Saturday, November 12, 2005

    .


        The northeast Republicans are often called moderates. They are in fact Democrats, if not in name, certainly in substance.

        ~Robert Bork


    .


        ...if the effluent-stream media is a watchdog, it's mighty well trained. It only sics those who have skin that's light or views on the right.
        ~Selwyn Duke; Exterminating White People
     

    Friday, November 11, 2005

    .


        ... what kind of idiot depicts Mohammed in cartoons just to rile them up? I mean, if you want to test them, why not print the paper with pig's blood or print an edition on thinly-sliced ham?
        ~Laurence Simon

    Thursday, November 10, 2005

    "Birthday" Greetings to the Marines

    Just a reminder that TODAY, Thursday, November 10, is the 230th Birthday of the United States Marine Corps.  Please take one minute and use the link below to send Birthday Greetings to every man and woman you know who EVER WORE the uniform -- because once a Marine, always a Marine.
     
     
     
    Semper Fi,
     

    .


        If you’re like me, then you have more than likely been following the French riots and wondering, “How long before France figures out how to surrender the same piece of land twice?”
        ~RightWingDuck

     

    Wednesday, November 09, 2005

    .


        You want the riots in France to end? Give the Islamic merchants of death what they want --- send the French army in there with guns. Recognize that this is a war, and start treating the rioters as the enemy combatants they are.
        ~Neal Boortz

    Tuesday, November 08, 2005

    .


        Is it any wonder that the Religion of Peace is currently burning the City of Love to the ground?

    Thursday, November 03, 2005

    .


        Indeed, what Libby did wasn't simply about two consenting adults sharing a moment of passion and a fine cigar, but quite the contrary. When he put his hand on the bible and perjured himself, he did so for purely selfish reasons - and the stench of corruption goes all the way up the chain of command. Rice. Cheney. Rove. Shrub. Let the records show that none of these scoundrels ever once dropped their pants for a campaign worker or banged an intern for their country.
        So much for "restoring honesty and integrity to the White House.

    Wednesday, November 02, 2005

    .

     
    Your Hair Should Be Red
    Passionate, fiery, and sassy.
    You're a total smart aleck who's got the biggest personality around.

    .


        Sometimes I think this country would be better off, if we could just saw off the eastern sea board and let it float out to sea.

    Tuesday, November 01, 2005

    .


        New Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito is likely to draw liberal ire for his 1991 decision requiring women to notify their husbands before getting an abortion. Of course, most husbands would just be happy if their wives would notify them before getting pregnant.
        ~Jake Novak

    Sunday, October 30, 2005

    .

        An anti-Hillary web site has only been able to raise $10,000. When asked why Bill Clinton replied, "That’s all I had.”
        ~Conan

    Saturday, October 29, 2005

    .


        I just love the Malignant Compassion of the Lyberals, I mean, Progressyves!! Remember how they celebrated the safe return of the 2,000th soldier from Iraq? And how about the big mainstream media show when the 2,000th Iraqi baby was born in one of the hospitals re-built by the US? And then there were all the cameras just waiting to click away at the 2,000th female Iraqi who was getting to vote in a free election for the first time?
        ~ Bush4Ever

    Friday, October 28, 2005

    .


    My blog is worth $3,387.24.
    How much is your blog worth?

    .


        Donald Trump is being given $1.5 million to give a speech how to get rich. Lesson number one: get a bunch of suckers to pay you one point five million on how to get rich.
        ~Letterman


     

    Wednesday, October 26, 2005

    .


        Ever notice how
    unnamed Democrats do better in polling than specific Democrats? If only Democrats could nominate a mysterious Democrat-with-no-name for an actual election.
        Do media outlets ever think about the harm they do Democrats by having polls like these? They're just feeding the insanity of the poor muckadoos.
        "Wow! An unnamed Democrat could beat a President who can't run again if an election were held today absent campaigns! The American people must be on our side!"
        It's both sad and funny.
        It's sunny!
        ~Frank J.

    Tuesday, October 25, 2005

    .


        A tough old Montana cowboy once told his grandson that, if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
        The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to the age of 93.
        When he died he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren ...
    and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

    Monday, October 24, 2005

    Sunday, October 23, 2005

    Saturday, October 22, 2005

    .


        I guess you all heard about a deadly case of bird flu that was discovered last night…causing severe choking. But enough about the St. Louis Cardinals.
        ~Leno


    Friday, October 21, 2005

    .


        It has become quite certain that the Harriet Miers nomination is becoming a huge bane for the Bush presidency. His chances of reelection are now almost nil.
        ~Frank J.

    Thursday, October 20, 2005

    .


        Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff announced he plans to expel every illegal immigrant in this country. More bad news for the New York Yankees.
        ~Letterman

    Wednesday, October 19, 2005

    .


        The FBI will not hire you if you smoked pot more than 15 times in your life. Not today…but the good news, you can still be president…
        ~Leno

    Monday, October 17, 2005

    .


        In an effort to conserve gas President Bush has urged all Americans to cut all unnecessary travel. He then flew to Hawaii to make the same speech.
        ~Conan

    Sunday, October 16, 2005

    .


        It's sad when we've come to the point where it takes a hurricane to actually cut government. Not slow the growth of government, but actually cut the government's size.
        Watch this closely over the next few months. All 3,000 of these workers were deemed "non-essential." That means there were no police officers or firefighters let go. If they're so non-essential, then what are they doing on the government payroll anyway? Let's just see if the City of New Orleans dries up and blows away because it has 3,000 fewer bureaucrats pushing pencils down at city hall.
        If a city can cut its work force in half and not affect any essential personnel, that tells you something about the efficiency of government.
        Bottom line --- not one penny of taxpayer's money should ever be spent at any level of government for a worker deemed to be "non-essential."
        ~Neal Boortz

    Thursday, October 13, 2005

    .


        President Bush is taking more liberal positions. For example global warming. He used to be against it. Now it's the Republican plan for heating homes this winter.
        ~Leno


    Wednesday, October 12, 2005

    Nice rant

     
    ----- Original Message -----
    From: talon
    To:

     
    "Been sitting here with my ass in a wad, wanting to speak out about the bullshit going on in New Orleans.  For the people of New Orleans... First we would like to say, Sorry for your loss.  With that said,  Let's go through a few hurricane rules: (Unlike an earthquake, we know it's coming)
     
    #1. A mandatory evacuation means just that...Get the hell out.  Don't blame the Government after they tell you to go.  If they hadn't said anything, I can see the argument.  They said get out... if you didn't, it's your fault, not theirs.  (We don't want to hear it, even if you don't have a car, you can get out.)
     
    #2. If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non-perishables.   If you didn't do this, it's not the Government's fault you're starving.
     
    #2a. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some.
    (Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's are not edible.   Leave them alone.)
     
    #2b. If the local store has been looted of food or water, leave your neighbor's TV and stereo alone.  (See #2a) They worked hard to get their stuff.  Just because they were smart enough to leave during a mandatory evacuation, doesn't give you the right to take their stuff...it's theirs, not yours.
     
    #3. If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then complain no one is helping you.  I'm not getting shot to help save some dumbass who didn't leave when told to do so.
     
    #4. If you are in your house that is completely under water, your belongings are probably too far gone for anyone to want them.  If someone does want them, let them have them and hopefully they'll die in the filth.  Just leave!   (It's New Orleans, find a voodoo warrior and put a curse on them.)
     
    #5. My tax money should not pay to rebuild a 2 million dollar house, a sports stadium or a floating casino.  Also, my tax money shouldn't go to rebuild a city that is under sea level.  You wouldn't build your house on quicksand would you?  You want to live below sea-level, do your country some good and join the Navy.
     
    #6. Regardless of what the Poverty Pimps Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton want  you to believe, The US Government didn't create the Hurricane as a way  to eradicate the black people of New Orleans; (Neither did Russia as a way to   destroy America).  The US Government didn't cause global warming that caused   the hurricane (We've been coming out of an ice age for over a million  years).
     
    #7. The government isn't responsible for giving you anything.   This is the  land of the free and the home of the brave, but you gotta  work for what you  want.  McDonalds and Wal-Mart are always hiring,  get a damn job and stop  spooning off the people who are actually  working for a living. President Kennedy said it best..."Ask not what  your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."
     
    Thank you for allowing me to rant.

    Tuesday, October 11, 2005

    .


        This is national book month. Or as President Bush calls it, October.

    .


        Did you see the Astros-Braves game yesterday? The Astros won in 18 innings. 18 innings. The game was so long, three of the relief pitchers visas expired!
        You know why it took so long? Most of the steroids stopped working after the 12th inning. That’s why there weren’t any hits…
        ~Leno

    Monday, October 10, 2005

    Friday, October 07, 2005

    .


        President Bush is out defending his Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers. President Bush said that Miers has a good heart. Well sure, compared to Dick Cheney.
        ~Leno



    Wednesday, October 05, 2005

    .


        There is a report today that income figures for the richest Americans -- the top 1 percent -- grew in 2003. In other words, the rich got richer. On top of that, the income taxes they paid declined. Get ready for another round of class warfare in the media, and you can depend on the media not pointing out that income taxes are paid on income and not on wealth appreciation. Sadly, most Americans wouldn't even understand what I just said.
        ~Neal Boortz

    .


        Well it's finally autumn in Los Angeles. It’s the time where the leaves turn red--because they're on fire!
        ~Leno


     

    Thursday, September 29, 2005

    .


        One way or the other, we are determined to deny Iraq the capacity to develop weapons of mass destruction and the missiles to deliver them. That is our bottom line.
        ~Bill Clinton, Feb. 4, 1998

    Wednesday, September 28, 2005

    .


        Good news - the price of gasoline dropped this week. No wonder Dick Cheney was in the hospital.
        ~Leno

    Tuesday, September 27, 2005

    .


        New York City is getting pay toilets. Twenty pay toilets will be placed around the city. Yeah, twenty…that should be enough.
        ~Letterman

    Saturday, September 24, 2005

    .


        Martha Stewart’s "Apprentice” show premiered last night. I don’t wanna say it didn’t do well but tonight on his "Apprentice” show Trump fired her.
         ~Leno


    Thursday, September 22, 2005

    .


        We had a huge rain storm here in Los Angeles yesterday. Lightening…thunder… it’s tough living in Beverly Hills when it rains. Nobody from FEMA shows up. You know, I think George Bush doesn’t care about rich, white people.
        ~Leno

    Wednesday, September 21, 2005

    .


        The deterioration of every government begins with the decay of the principles on which it was founded.
        ~Charles-Louis De Secondat

    Tuesday, September 20, 2005

    Search your State

     

    Pig Book 


    The complete 2005 Congressional Pig Book is a searchable database of 13,997 pork projects.  Search by keyword, city, state, or appropriations bill.  

    Search Pig Book by Year:   2005  2004  2003  2002   2001  2000  
                                               1999  1998  1997  1996   1995

     


     
     

        He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.
        ~The Declaration of Independence

    .


        American atheists say they want to set up their own lobby in Washington. Of course there are plenty of people in Washington who don't believe in God or divine justice; they're called Congressmen.
        ~
    Jake Novak

    Monday, September 19, 2005

    .


         I pulled into a full service gas station today and asked for five  dollars worth of gas. The guy farted, took my five and walked away. 
        ~Mickey Hennigan

    Sunday, September 18, 2005

    .


       Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night .
        ~
    Tommy Cooper

    Friday, September 16, 2005

    .


        In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans police are using the local Greyhound station as a make-shift jail. Usually, it's only the people riding a Greyhound bus who feel like they're in jail.
        ~Jake Novak

    .


        Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important.
        ~T.S. Eliot

    Thursday, September 15, 2005

    .


        Washing one’s hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means to side with the powerful, not the neutral.
        ~Paulo Freire

    Wednesday, September 14, 2005

    .


        Having learned his lesson, the president replaced the War on Terror with a War on Probabilities and dispatched 20,000 Guardsmen to the west coast to be ready for the big earthquake.
        ~Scott Witt

    Tuesday, September 13, 2005

    .


        A Washington, D.C. woman was arrested and handcuffed for eating candy on the subway. She was let go after promising to only use the subway station for sleeping and urinating.
        ~Jim Barach

    Monday, September 12, 2005

    .


        New report by ACT. N.C. shows that hundreds of thousands or this year's incoming college freshmen aren't academically prepared to do college level work. On the bright side, there are plenty of colleges out there that don't require students to do college level work. 
        ~Bruce Tinsley

    Friday, September 09, 2005

    .


        Perhaps the only institution more puffed-up and self-important than academia is government.
        ~Neil Steinberg

    Thursday, September 08, 2005

    .


        87-year-old Senator Robert Byrd will run for a 9th term in 2006. Byrd vows to stay in office until the U.S. withdraws from Iraq, or he runs through all of Strom Thurmond's remaining supply of adult diapers, whichever comes first.
        ~Jake Novak

    Tuesday, September 06, 2005

    .


        A House bill mandates 2 year suspensions for illegal steroid use in pro sports. There's no place in any game for unethical behavior, cheating, and inflating ability. That belongs on Capitol Hill.
        ~Alan Ray

    Monday, September 05, 2005

    Response to Moore's letter

    Hey Hippie
    Glad to hear your above using the dead as a soapbox to politicize a national tragedy. Next time you lose your car keys start looking in the folds under your tits to save time.
    As for where our rescue copters and National Guardsmen what "the Laft" need to understand is that staging literally thousands of rescue workers and equipment takes time. We have the best rescue people in the world but there is no magic wand that even the President can wave to make things instantly better. Perhaps if Mayor C. Ray Nagin and Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Babineaux Blanco were first concerned about keeping law and order instead of search and rescue missions our private charities could have been in there earlier.
    Furthermore, a representative of the Army Corps of Engineers has stated that the critical Levee work was completed, that it was up to designed specs. The problem is, those specs were for a class three hurricane, not a four or five. Secondly of the funds that were transferred to New Orleans over the last decades, were diverted by the local levee boards to buy a Gambling Casino and a private marina. It would appear that the "Big Easy's" reputation for inept governance and corruption is well deserved.
    You keep dodging Michael Wislon, Christopher Hitchens, David Harley and when our brave boys and girls in Iraq accomplish their mission, we'll all know it wasn't in your name.
    Love ya

    .


        The White House reportedly asked Bill Clinton and former President Bush on Wednesday to head an international relief effort for American hurricane victims. We're about to find out who our friends are. Mexico was the first to offer to send people here.
        ~Argus Hamilton

    .


        New Orleans sent out a distress call Tuesday after Hurricane Katrina flooded the city. Everyone wants to come to their aid. Two hours after the hurricane was finished Los Angeles sent six planeloads of looters to help out in any way they can.
        ~Argus Hamilton

    Sunday, September 04, 2005

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        The French government continued high-level discussions about assisting U.S. hurricane victims, as opponents argued that France was not obliged to help since the warranty on the Louisiana Purchase expired long ago.
        ~Scrappleface

    Saturday, September 03, 2005

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        As if this country doesn't have enough to worry about, as of midnight last night, Martha Stewart's ankle bracelet is off, so look out, she's free. She celebrated by breaking into a Pottery Barn and shop-lifting a sconce.
        ~Jimmy Kimmel


    Tuesday, August 30, 2005

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        America Online is giving away a fully loaded Hummer H2 and nearly $100,000 in cash and gold bars in a contest open to members and non-members alike through August 19.  The cash and prizes to be given away are the ill-gotten gains of a spammer who not only helped AOL to win it's lawsuit against other spammers, but also forfeited his spamming proceeds to AOL under the CAN-SPAM Act of 2003. Contest organizers announced the big giveaway via a mass unsolicited e-mail to virtually everyone on the Internet.
        ~Charles Gulledge

    Monday, August 29, 2005

    .

     

        What's up with this forced evacuation in New Orleans, home of the free and land of the brave? Another example of the continual pussification of America.
        ~DaD

    Sunday, August 28, 2005

    .

     

        The Brooklyn woman who stabbed her husband to death after he complained her butt was too big is off the hook. The judge in the case says he just didn't want to look at all the evidence.
        ~Jake Novak

    Saturday, August 27, 2005

    .


        How many of you are glad they're writing a new constitution in Iraq? How many of you just wish they'd stop rewriting ours here at home? 
        ~Jay Leno

    Friday, August 26, 2005

    .


        A study says women scientists face hostility, bias and lack of  respect in pursuing their careers. This makes them just like men scientists.
        ~Jim Barach

    Thursday, August 25, 2005

    .


        The Illinois State Police have cancelled a contract with a DNA lab that failed to detect semen on evidence tests. In a related story,  Bill Clinton has just filed to run for Governor of Illinois.
        ~Jim Barach

    Tuesday, August 23, 2005

    .


        Bush woke up this morning, saw his shadow and now -- six more weeks of vacation.
        ~Jay Leno

    Monday, August 22, 2005

    .


        The world is dangerous not because of those who do harm, but because of those who look at it without doing anything.
        ~Albert Einstein

    Friday, August 19, 2005

    .


        And while President Bush was out of town Hillary Clinton stopped by the White House on Friday for an important meeting with her decorator.
        ~Jay Leno

    Thursday, August 18, 2005

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        Waffle House restaurants in Virginia have settled cases of claims of  racial discrimination by customers who say they were treated rudely. Waffle House says from now on they will treat all customers equally rudely.
        ~Jim Barach

    Tuesday, August 16, 2005

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        Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results.
        ~Margaret Atwood; The Handmaid's Tale

    Monday, August 15, 2005

    .


        The Democrats are all over this. They're complaining President Bush has spent over 21% of his time out of the White House. Well that's nothing. Since Bush has been president Democrats have been out of the White House 100% of the time.
        ~Jay Leno

    Sunday, August 14, 2005

    .


        Seven Russian sailors are now safe after they were trapped at the bottom of the Pacific for three days with little oxygen in their mini submarine.   The men will now go back home where they are expected to star in the first-ever Russian deodorant commercial.
        ~Jake Novak

    Wednesday, August 10, 2005

    .


        Long-time ABC World News Tonight anchorman Peter Jennings has died. Although he was only 67, he still outlived network news by about five years.
        ~Jake Novak

    Monday, August 08, 2005

    .


        The New York Post reporting today that three years ago Osama bin Laden tried to buy massive amounts of cocaine in order to poison it and then sell it here in America. This is part of Osama's plan to destroy show business.
        ~Jay Leno

    Friday, August 05, 2005

    .


        Like Hollywood stars, Democrats lose elections, but they were honored just to be nominated.

    Wednesday, August 03, 2005

    .


        A Kenyan man has offered Bill Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter Chelsea's hand in marriage. But Clinton says he's been staying clear of cows since the Monica Lewinsky scandal.
        ~Jake Novak

    .


        The Post Office has proposed raising first class postage to 39 cents. The increase would not take effect until 2006. When the clerks return from their breaks.
        ~Alan Ray

    Tuesday, August 02, 2005

    .


        Senate Democrats are continuing to demand some of the memos Supreme Court nominee John Roberts wrote while he worked in the White House. It’s not that the Democrats think they’ll find anything scandalous in the documents, they just hope looking at the memos will remind them of what it’s like to be in power.
        ~Jake Novak

    Monday, August 01, 2005

    .


        The flat tax is best, some contend,
    But the sales tax has much to commend.
        Taxing income or sales --
    These are minor details
        'Til we limit what Congress can spend!
        ~F. R. Duplantier; Politickles

    Saturday, July 30, 2005

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        On this date in 1990 the first President Bush signed into law the Americans with Disabilities Act, which allowed, of course, his son George W. to become president of the United States.
        ~Jay Leno