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    The Lundberg Survey reported record high gas prices for Memorial Day weekend drivers. It's almost a dollar a gallon more expensive in the Northeast and the West Coast. These states always vote Democratic and it's considered a complaint tax.

    ~Argus Hamilton

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    Since I have become jaded to the various solutions proposed by the Republicans, Democrats, Sierra Club, ACLU, etc. I have elected to solve the problems as they affect me. It solves both my gas and illegal immigrant problems.  I have hired illegal immigrants to push my car. They're plentiful
and cheaper than buying gas.
    ~Jerre May

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   So long as men worship the Ceasars and Napoleans, Ceasars and Napoleans will duly arise and make them miserable.

    ~Aldous Huxley; Ends and Means (1937)

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    The President's plan is to start patrolling the U.S.-Mexican border using members of the National Guard. This will give us the most secure border in the world one weekend a month and two full weeks each summer.

    ~Leno

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  Some people want to build a wall along the US/Mexico border. Thousands of years ago China built a great wall, and it worked for them.  You don't see too many Mexicans in China.

    Toms Lake Humor Company

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    All that time underwater left Mr. Blaine wrinkled, withered and pruny. People say, "How can that be magic?" I disagree. It's not easy going in looking like David Blaine and coming out looking like Helen Thomas.

    ~SpaceMonkey

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    CIA Director Porter Goss is resigning. Goss is now looking forward to spending his time heckling Donald Rumsfeld at public events.

    ~Jake Novak

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    As you know, Cinco de Mayo celebrates driving the French out of Mexico. So apparently Mexico has stricter immigration laws than we do.

    ~Leno

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    Liberals are harder to train than dogs since they lack a natural sense of loyalty.

    ~Frank J.

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    Thankfully, politicians are finally taking steps to punish greedy corporations that profit at the expense of the consumer. In California, wise Democrat leaders are proposing heavy fines on the petroleum companies should their obscene earnings rise any higher. With their costs shooting through the roof, Big Oil would then be forced to lower prices at the pumps. If they took it once step further and confiscated all of Big Oil’s profits, logic dictates that gas prices would then drop to mere pennies a gallon (plus state and local taxes). Only a Democrat could think up such a brilliant idea.

    ~Larry Chompstein

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