I'll never have any institutional power, I'll never be given a chairmanship. The only two things I have are my voice and my vote, and I have to use them as effectively as I can.
~Tom Tancredo; Rep. Colorado
An FBI spokesman has recently reported that the substance found in Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab's underwear wasn't an explosive substance as previously believed. "Apparently Umar's plan to light himself ablaze was going according to schedule as all the American passengers on flight 253 ran away from him as if there would have been a safe spot on a burning plane in mid air. What Mr.Abdulmutallab hadn't counted on was that there would be a Dutch passenger onboard who hasn't been pussified by decades of the womanization of education, toys, sports, movies, television, and political correctness."
Another FBI spokeman added, "we've determined that Umar got a little more than snot beat out of him that Christma... I mean, Holiday morning!"
It's not clear yet whether Jasper Schuringa will be charged for assault and battery by Detroit officials.