I'll never have any institutional power, I'll never be given a chairmanship. The only two things I have are my voice and my vote, and I have to use them as effectively as I can.
~Tom Tancredo; Rep. Colorado
Louisiana - President Obama stepped up to a teleprompter today to take charge of the gulf oil spill. "I take responsibly, it is my job to make sure that everything is done to shut this down!" Obama read authoritatively.
"What exactly are you going to do" asked one reporter, taken aback Obama stammered "W-w-well... errrr, I'm going to let BP... continue to... ahhhh, come up with their own process of... uhhh it should be taken care of today with the... top kill plan."
"They tried that today, it didn't work", another reporter mentioned. Obama responded "R-r-really? Aaaalright, I'm taking responsibility... next month."
The teleprompter quickly flickered and Obama began reading "As far as I'm concerned, BP is responsible for this horrific disaster, and we will hold them fully accountable on behalf of the United States as well as the people and communities victimized by this tragedy. I've committed numerous ships to the region, Sean Penn hasn't needed rescued... yet, and there are tar booms that either soak stuff up or manually pick up these tar balls as they have been coming ashore"
Another reporter chimed in, "A statement from the US Coast Guard claimed that tar balls washing up near the Florida Keys were not linked to the BP Gulf Oil Spill".
The president just starred at his teleprompter.
"Where were all these ships a month and a half ago and what are you going to do about the Alaskan pipe line spill?" yet another reporter asked.
Obama came back to, knocked over the telepromter, "screw you FOX news guys, why can't you just worsip and adore me like CNN, MSNBC, NYT Times, Newswee..."
"We thought you were taking the blame now" asked one more reporter.
"IT'S BUSH'S FAULT!!!" Obama screamed hysterically, while reaching behind the podium."I INHERITED THIS MESS!!!" The President ranted as he pulled out a bag full of golf clubs and stormed out of the building.