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    A state senator from Tennessee, by the name of John Ford, a Democrat, is in court for child support and he revealed he lives with his divorced wife and their three kids three days a week.  He lives with his girlfriend and their two kids the other four days a week. He's being sued by another girlfriend for child support and his ex-wife is pregnant by him again. But the good news today he was given the Jerry Springer lifetime achievement award.

    ~Jay Leno

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    Insurgent groups in Iraq criticized the elections and vowed a "jihad" to stifle the fledgling democracy. But experts say the best way to stifle an American-style democracy is to hire lots of high-priced lobbyists.

    ~Jake Novak

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    Officials at the New York City subway now say it will take 6-9 months, not 5 years, to repair the damage from a small fire this weekend. What they originally meant to say is it'll be 5 years before they stop using the fire as an excuse to keep raising fares.

    ~Jake Novak

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