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    Talk show host Jerry Springer called the war in Iraq immoral. Springer made the remarks while breaking up a fight between a hooker and a deadbeat dad.

    ~Conan O'Brien

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    Patrick Lawler, the construction worker who didn't realize he had a nail lodged in his head, says he doesn't want to be a construction worker anymore. Of course after his experience, he's the perfect choice to be the new Chairman of the Democratic National Committee!

    ~Jake Novak

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    President Bush announced tough new reading standards for high school students. He wants ninth graders to read at an eight grade level by the time they are in 12th grade.

    ~Jay Leno

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