Monday, December 15, 2008

Bush Visits Iraq, Gets Shaken Down Again

BAGHDAD, Iraq (Dec. 14-08) President George W. Bush made a farewell visit on Sunday to Iraq aiming to celebrate a new security pact between Washington and Baghdad last month that paves the way for 140,000 U.S. forces to withdraw by the end of 2011. Between visits with President Jalal Talabani and Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki Iraqi oil barons have also flown in on private jets as well, hoping to catch a meeting with the exiting President turban in hand, asking for a a multi-billion bail out.
They claim to be victims of the recent global financial crisis. Recent drop in gas prices have had a significant cut in profit margins which could cause millions of jobs lost and more than $100 billion in wages sliced out of an already-fragile U.S. economy. "Wall Street has been bailed out, soon the auto-manufacturers will be bailed out -- despite being shot down by the people's elected Senate -- we Iraqi sheiks want to get in on it before the US newspapers demand their bail out money" claimed Ali Rollin Indough a struggling Iraqi oil tycoon.
"With the national average at $1.60 per gallon we would also like President Bush to open an investigation into price fixing feeling we are being gouged at the pump by a greedy populace" said Muhammad Needanoder Towncar X. "Oil prices don't fluctuate with production decisions from the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries, naaa, the prices aren't a function of a complicated open market, the result of futures contracts being traded on the New York Mercantile Exchange, or Nymex, and other exchanges around the world and the rush, or lack thereof of, buyers pushing oil futures to a series of new record highs or lows, and the rest of the energy complex-- including gasoline futures have nothing to do with prices. The efficiently of how refineries are operating, cost of turning oil into gas to taxes to marketing costs to conflict in the Middle East, Nigeria, that wacko in Venezuela, weather conditions around the world, demand from U.S. drivers has nothing to do with how expensive or cheap the price of gas is at all. We believe, like many Americans, that the President has a dial somewhere in the West Wing that dictates the price of gas for every consumer on the planet. We would just like him to go home and turn it up a few notches in these tough times, that's all."
~posted by DaDougster

Why is it every time we have a government crisis, we reverse to feudalism? We need a mortgage duke. A duke of mortgages. We need an energy ayatollah in this country.
~Jay Leno

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