New Computer Viruses to watch out for!
Viruses WARNING . . . Watch out for these new viruses - Neither Symantec or McAfee have any solutions for these yet!!!
The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to just keep counting and re-counting.
The Clinton Virus - Gives you a 7-inch Hard Drive with NO memory.
The Bob Dole (aka Viagra) Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.
The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes.
The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 300 Mb hard drive shrinks to 100 Mb, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 200 Mb.
The Jack Kevorkian Virus - Deletes all old files.
The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted.
The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor
doesn't care.
The Joey Buttafuoco Virus - Only attacks minor files.
The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.
The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy then discards it through Windows
The Emmy Awards had record-low ratings Sunday. Real people don't want to see awards given to pay-cable mob dramas and gay sitcoms. According to the ratings, what Americans like to watch are really good-looking actresses performing autopsies.
~Argus Hamilton
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