Just one today :(

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    The House of Representatives has voted to cut funds from the United Nations in the wake of sex scandals and corruption. If that really works, the question is how can we cut funds to Congress?

    ~Jim Barach

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    Brain cells were grown in a laboratory in Florida -- actual human brain cells. Now the next step. They're going to transplant them into a California jury.

    ~David Letterman

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    According to a new survey, 35% of Major League Baseball players believe that records set by players who are suspected of using steroids should be marked with an asterisk. The other 65% actually don't know what an asterisk is.

    ~Jake Novak

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    President Bush met with the president of South Korea. Things got off to an awkward start when President Bush asked, 'Are you from the good Korea or the bad Korea?'

    ~Conan O'Brien

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    A study shows that first born children are smarter and more successful than their siblings. Of course, the study was only conducted on Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter.

    ~Jim Barach

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    Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld says the cost of keeping Guantanamo Bay prison open is $95 million a year.  That's $1 million for food and shelter, and $94 million to pay for the plumbers to fix all the toilets clogged with copies of the Koran.

    ~Jake Novak

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    The Trade Bank of Iraq issued the first ever credit card and now, thanks to us, the Iraqi people are free to borrow money at 30% interest. It's good to see our lifestyle over there. It's catchy slogan – "The Bank of Iraq Card. It's everywhere you don't want to be."

    ~Jay Leno

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   Abortion is the murder of innocent pre-bom children for profit - child sacrifice for convenience. Today it is the killing of defenseless unborn children. Tomorrow it will be the killing of the handicapped and the elderly.

    ~F. Paul Wilson; Buckets

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    Personally, I’ve never voted Democrat, but maybe one day before I die – I will. Or in the Dems case, maybe I will AFTER I die.

    ~Right Wing Duck

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    Liberty is often a heavy burden on a man.  It involves the necessity for perpetual choice which is the kind of labor men have always dreaded.

    ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

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    The number of undergraduates signing up for computer degrees is down 10% from last year.  But that's only because those courses are mostly taught in Chinese and Hindi.

    ~Jake Novak

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    The American news media is seen as a big loser in the case, as their ratings actually fell during the trial. But most news executives believe they will learn from their mistakes and do things better when Jackson is charged with the same thing next year.

    ~Jake Novak

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    After age 75, there is a significant drop in athletes' performance. This explains the recent poor showing of the Oakland Raiders.

    ~Jim Barach

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    The U.S. says it wants to help Afghanistan get its poppy farmers to  plant pomegranates and honeydew melons instead. The farmers say  they're willing to try that, as soon as someone tells them how to  take pomegranates and honey dew melons and convert them into an  addictive, injectable liquid.

    ~Jake Novak

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    Florida has officially named the orange as the state fruit. The  citrus favorite won a close vote over Richard Simmons.

    ~Jim Barach)

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    A new study shows that federal funds are being used to help convicted  rapists and child molesters buy Viagra.  It's the most public money  spent to help sex offenders commit more crimes since they built a  private office in the White House for Bill Clinton.

    ~Jake Novak

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    China wants to modernize its toilets. Most public toilets there have  no doors, and no running water or soap. In the U.S. that is what we call a "subway".

    ~Jim Barach

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    Researchers say there is a good chance of a big earthquake hitting  California in the next 30 years. Well, Duh. They are also predicting  that Robert Downey, Jr. may eventually end up back in rehab someday. 

    ~Jim Barach

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    President Bush has endorsed the so-called nuclear option to end  judicial filibusters, but has asked senators to rename it to  something he can more easily pronounce.

    ~Rob Bates

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    Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival.

    ~Winston Churchill

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    John Bolton is in danger of being rejected by the Senate because he's  known for abusing subordinates and frequently losing his temper.  Today, President Bush announced his second choice -- Coach Bobby Knight.

    ~Conan O'Brien

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    If all that Americans want is security, they can go to prison. They'll have enough to eat, a bed and a roof over their heads.

    ~President Dwight D. Eisenhower

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They desecrated the Koran? What, is there only one copy? Was it an original? Here in America they take pages from the Holy Bible and use them to wipe their butts. Do you know what THAT'S called? Modern Art.

    ~RightWingDuck

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    The Universal Service Fund fee is going up as much as 18%. That's the tax on your phone bill that provides for internet service for libraries. It's also known as "Porn for the Homeless".

    ~Jim Barach

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    There is no absurdity so palpable but that it may be firmly planted in the human head if you only begin to inculcate it before the age of five, by constantly repeating it with an air of great solemnity.

    ~Schopenhauer

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    A study shows there is no link between cell phone use and brain cancer. However, there is a direct correlation between cell phone use and brain inactivity.

    ~Jim Barach

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