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    A study shows that first born children are smarter and more successful than their siblings. Of course, the study was only conducted on Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter.

    ~Jim Barach

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    Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld says the cost of keeping Guantanamo Bay prison open is $95 million a year.  That's $1 million for food and shelter, and $94 million to pay for the plumbers to fix all the toilets clogged with copies of the Koran.

    ~Jake Novak

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    The Trade Bank of Iraq issued the first ever credit card and now, thanks to us, the Iraqi people are free to borrow money at 30% interest. It's good to see our lifestyle over there. It's catchy slogan – "The Bank of Iraq Card. It's everywhere you don't want to be."

    ~Jay Leno

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