Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Obama Urges Americans To Read Last Year's Business Pages

 "If you squint, 2008 and 2009 look a lot alike," President Barack Obama told a hastily assembled White House news conference. "I urge all Americans to stop reading today's newspapers, which are depressing, and instead read the business sections of last year's papers, which are uplifting."

Obama said that stock tables a year ago would remind people of "what it was like to have lots of money, a secure retirement, and a comfortable nest egg." He urged Americans to "invest in the future but live in the past, because it's much more enjoyable."

"Even I don't have job security," Obama reminded reporters. "I could be out of here in less than four years. Granted, I make a larger salary than most Americans and I'll be able to make gazillions doing the speaking trail blazed by my predecessors, especially President Clinton.

"But the average American should take heart in the fact that last year's newspapers, which are available online and at your public library, will make you feel rich again--maybe almost as rich as I'm going to be either four or eight years from today."
~Michael Levin
    "The Oscars are kind of a special time in Hollywood. It's a time when celebrities take a break from worshipping Barack Obama and take some time to worship themselves."

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