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...all my free time has been spent scribbling away at my response to the Shrub’s “Disgrace of the Union” speech this Tuesday. I’m sure it will be his usual litany of lies, and the right-wing controlled media will help him once again by waiting until after his speech to air the Democrat rebuttal.

    ~Larry Chompstein

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    You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.

    ~Aristophanes

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    My dad has always been a huge coffee drinker and taught me to drink it strong and black (he's banned from making coffee at work since he makes it too strong). I was talking to him over the phone the other day discussing how to make the strongest cup of coffee. I said I prefer the darkest roast available, because it gives me the strongest taste and the best pick me up. At that point, an NSA operative broke into the conversation and said that, while darker roasts taste stronger, they have less caffeine since the roasting process actually burns off caffeine.

    Never thought of that.

    ~Frank J.

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    If Archer Daniels Midland used goons and violence to stop people from buying sugar from Caribbean producers so that sugar prices would rise, making it easier for ADM to sell more of its corn syrup sweetener, they'd wind up in jail. If they line the coffers of congressmen, they can buy the same result without risking imprisonment. Congress simply does the dirty work for them by enacting sugar import quotas and tariffs. 

    ~Dr. Walter E. Williams

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    You conservatives are so damn judgmental! Remember what Jesus said: Get off your high horse and remove the mustard seed from thine own eye before casting stones at my glass house!

    Larry Chompstein

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    So, now there's another new audiotape from Osama bin Laden, and that just shows how backwards these Islamists are in that they still haven't moved onto CDs. Why can't he publish his threats on iTunes?

    ~Frank J.

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    Democrats have always been very close to God during election years, but it comes as a complete surprise to all of us that He actually exists. I always assumed that He was just a fictional boogeyman the cons made up to lay a guilt trip on everybody and ruin our good time. But as long as He remains nonjudgmental and doesn’t try to force his morals on anyone, he’s more than welcome in the Big Tent.

    ~Liberal Larry

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    The author of the book "Million Little Pieces” was on Larry King last night, defending himself against charges that he exaggerated details of his best-selling memoir. He said, "Only 18 pages of a 430-page book are in question”. It’s 95% accurate. I believe this is known as the "Clinton defense.”            ~Leno

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    I'm not a negro tonight.

   ~Martin Luther King

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    The AP notes with an overindulgence of respect the continuing efforts of John Kerry to run for president -- in any election that will tolerate him.

    ~Captain Ed

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