Thursday, September 29, 2005

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    One way or the other, we are determined to deny Iraq the capacity to develop weapons of mass destruction and the missiles to deliver them. That is our bottom line.
    ~Bill Clinton, Feb. 4, 1998

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

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    Good news - the price of gasoline dropped this week. No wonder Dick Cheney was in the hospital.
    ~Leno

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

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    New York City is getting pay toilets. Twenty pay toilets will be placed around the city. Yeah, twenty…that should be enough.
    ~Letterman

Saturday, September 24, 2005

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    Martha Stewart’s "Apprentice” show premiered last night. I don’t wanna say it didn’t do well but tonight on his "Apprentice” show Trump fired her.
     ~Leno


Thursday, September 22, 2005

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    We had a huge rain storm here in Los Angeles yesterday. Lightening…thunder… it’s tough living in Beverly Hills when it rains. Nobody from FEMA shows up. You know, I think George Bush doesn’t care about rich, white people.
    ~Leno

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

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    The deterioration of every government begins with the decay of the principles on which it was founded.
    ~Charles-Louis De Secondat

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

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Pig Book 


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    He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.
    ~The Declaration of Independence

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    American atheists say they want to set up their own lobby in Washington. Of course there are plenty of people in Washington who don't believe in God or divine justice; they're called Congressmen.
    ~
Jake Novak

Monday, September 19, 2005

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     I pulled into a full service gas station today and asked for five  dollars worth of gas. The guy farted, took my five and walked away. 
    ~Mickey Hennigan

Sunday, September 18, 2005

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   Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night .
    ~
Tommy Cooper