Just one today :(

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    The House of Representatives has voted to cut funds from the United Nations in the wake of sex scandals and corruption. If that really works, the question is how can we cut funds to Congress?

    ~Jim Barach

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    Brain cells were grown in a laboratory in Florida -- actual human brain cells. Now the next step. They're going to transplant them into a California jury.

    ~David Letterman

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    According to a new survey, 35% of Major League Baseball players believe that records set by players who are suspected of using steroids should be marked with an asterisk. The other 65% actually don't know what an asterisk is.

    ~Jake Novak

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    President Bush met with the president of South Korea. Things got off to an awkward start when President Bush asked, 'Are you from the good Korea or the bad Korea?'

    ~Conan O'Brien

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    A study shows that first born children are smarter and more successful than their siblings. Of course, the study was only conducted on Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter.

    ~Jim Barach

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    Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld says the cost of keeping Guantanamo Bay prison open is $95 million a year.  That's $1 million for food and shelter, and $94 million to pay for the plumbers to fix all the toilets clogged with copies of the Koran.

    ~Jake Novak

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    The Trade Bank of Iraq issued the first ever credit card and now, thanks to us, the Iraqi people are free to borrow money at 30% interest. It's good to see our lifestyle over there. It's catchy slogan – "The Bank of Iraq Card. It's everywhere you don't want to be."

    ~Jay Leno

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   Abortion is the murder of innocent pre-bom children for profit - child sacrifice for convenience. Today it is the killing of defenseless unborn children. Tomorrow it will be the killing of the handicapped and the elderly.

    ~F. Paul Wilson; Buckets

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    Personally, I’ve never voted Democrat, but maybe one day before I die – I will. Or in the Dems case, maybe I will AFTER I die.

    ~Right Wing Duck

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    Liberty is often a heavy burden on a man.  It involves the necessity for perpetual choice which is the kind of labor men have always dreaded.

    ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

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    The number of undergraduates signing up for computer degrees is down 10% from last year.  But that's only because those courses are mostly taught in Chinese and Hindi.

    ~Jake Novak

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    The American news media is seen as a big loser in the case, as their ratings actually fell during the trial. But most news executives believe they will learn from their mistakes and do things better when Jackson is charged with the same thing next year.

    ~Jake Novak

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    After age 75, there is a significant drop in athletes' performance. This explains the recent poor showing of the Oakland Raiders.

    ~Jim Barach

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    The U.S. says it wants to help Afghanistan get its poppy farmers to  plant pomegranates and honeydew melons instead. The farmers say  they're willing to try that, as soon as someone tells them how to  take pomegranates and honey dew melons and convert them into an  addictive, injectable liquid.

    ~Jake Novak

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    Florida has officially named the orange as the state fruit. The  citrus favorite won a close vote over Richard Simmons.

    ~Jim Barach)

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    A new study shows that federal funds are being used to help convicted  rapists and child molesters buy Viagra.  It's the most public money  spent to help sex offenders commit more crimes since they built a  private office in the White House for Bill Clinton.

    ~Jake Novak

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