Message from Santa

Dear Friends

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.

The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 piperspiping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit.

On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January. Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart before everything is gone.

Love,
    Santa

 

 

  

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  You know you gained weight over Thanksgiving week when you sit in the bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.

    ~Argus Hamilton

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“Not the glittering weapon fights the fight, but rather the hero's heart.”

Jonathan Kay on cystic fibrosis, and the disgrace of Carleton University's Students' Association

 

Posted: November 25, 2008, 5:22 PM by Jonathan Kay

Jonathan Kay

Cystic fibrosis is a horrible disease. A congenital ailment, CF affects the mucus glands of the lungs, liver, pancreas, and intestines, gradually interfering with digestive and respiratory functions until such time as the victim dies from organ failure — usually in his or her 30s.
All of which would seem to make cystic fibrosis research a worthy cause, right?

Wrong, you racist! This week, the Students' Association at Carleton University in Ottawa voted to drop cystic fibrosis as the beneficiary of its annual $1-million Shinearama fundraiser. The reason: CF "has been recently revealed to only affect white people, and primarily men" — and therefore is insufficiently "inclusive."

Even by the loopy standards of students governments, this has got to be a new low. Had the author of this resolution (update: we now know who moved this thing — see below) bothered so much as to look at Wikipedia, here is what he or she would have found: "Approximately 1 in 25 people of European descent … is a carrier of a cystic fibrosis mutation. Although CF is less common in these groups, approximately 1 in 46 Hispanics, 1 in 65 Africans and 1 in 90 Asians carry at least one abnormal CFTR gene. Cystic fibrosis is diagnosed in males and females equally."

That same author would also have found a photo of a young, pitiful-looking black girl staring back at him from behind a mask nebuliser. (Good thing for her the disease "only affect[s] white people," huh?)

But even if it were true that only white males got CF, what of it? We raise money for breast cancer even though it is primarily a female disease. We raise money for Tay-Sachs, even thought it strikes almost exclusively Jews. We raise money for AIDS, even though it disproportionately affects gays and blacks. That's because we raise money to save people — not tribes.

Members of the Students' Association at Carleton University have disgraced themselves and their school. In a fair world, their funding would be docked by the same amount they raised for CF last year — and the money directed toward the disease's victims, in all their "inclusive" need.

jkay@nationalpost.com

p.s. Find out what ordinary non-whacko students think about the matter here.

p.p.s. I just got hold of the actual text of the resolution, and its mover and seconder:

Motion to Drop Shinerama Fundraising Campaign from Orientation Week
Whereas Orientation week strives to be [as] inclusive as possible;
Whereas all orientees and volunteers should feel like their fundraising efforts will serve the their diverse communities;
And Whereas Cystic fibrosis has been recently revealed to only affect white people, and primarily men
Be it resolved that: CUSA discontinue its support of this campaign
Be it Further Resolved that the CUSA representatives on the incoming Orientation Supervisory Board work to select a new broad reaching charity for orientation week.
Moved: Donnie Northrup           
Seconded: Meera Chander

 

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    General Motors announced that they are ending their endorsement deal with Tiger Woods. When asked why, a spokesperson for General Motors said, 'Tiger Woods is successful, competitive, and popular. And that's just not us.'

    ~Conan O'Brien

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You'd be a dummy to believe any of it

 

 

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    President Bush has a plan. He says that if we need to, we can lower the temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius.

    ~Jimmy Kimmel

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RIP

 

Services to be held Jan 20, 2009 in Washington, D.C.

 

 

 

 

 

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    Thursday was World Toilet Day, and Wall Street celebrated by flushing everybody's 401Ks

    ~Pedro Bartes

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बेगिन देप्रोग्रमिंग

No Cabinet Spot for al Zawahri

Al Qaeda's number two, Ayman al Zawahri, released a video today praising Malcolm X, and slamming America as an "criminal imperialist opressor".

I know what you're thinking: he's obviously angling for a spot in President Obama's cabinet. Well, too bad, Big Al, but you blew it with that "House Negro" remark. The Democrat Party does not tolerate such racially divisive language when its directed at anyone but a Black Republican. Perhaps if Zahawri clarifies his remarks and explains that he was actually referring to Condoleeza Rice, there might be a place for him on the pulpit at Obama's church. If he amps up his anti-American rants a little bit, I'm sure he could even get a job teaching at the University of Illinois.

He already attacked the Pentagon once, so that should look good on his resume.

 

~Liberal Larry

 

 

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    It's now being reported that Hillary Clinton will accept the position of secretary of state. Actually, this works out great for the Clintons. While Hillary is concentrating on foreign affairs, Bill can get back to concentrating on domestic affairs.

    ~Jay Leno

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Little Chandrasekhar

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student
named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The
teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who
said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his
hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

'Very good!'

Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People,
shall not perish from the Earth?'

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'
said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed.
Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its
history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F*ck the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.

'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said
that?'

Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime
Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts
to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If
you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, '
Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'

The teacher fainted.

And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor,
someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'

And Chandrasekhar said quietly, "I think it was the American
people, November 5, 2008."

 

 

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    If a first term Congress-critter has the experience to run for, and win, the Presidency why can't he appoint a Secretary of State who's foreign policy experience is dodging imaginary sniper fire?

    ~DaDougster

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Then and now

 

 

Great Orators of the Democratic Party...   'One man with courage makes a majority.'   - Andrew Jackson     'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.'   -  Franklin D.  Roosevelt     'The buck stops here.'   - Harry S. Truman     'Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.'   - John F. Kennedy     And for today's democrats...     'It depends what your definition of 'IS' is?''   - Bill Clinton   'That Obama - I would like to cut his NUTS off.'   - Jesse Jackson   'Those rumors are false ... I believe in the sanctity of marriage.'    - John Edwards     'I invented the Internet'   - Al Gore   'The next Person that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads up their ***.'   - Joe Biden      ' America is--is no longer, uh, what it--it, uh, could be, uh what it was once was...uh, and I say to myself, 'uh, I don't want that future, uh, uh for my children.' ''    - Barack Obama      'I have campaigned in all 57 states.   - Barack Obama     'You don't need God anymore, you have us democrats.'   - Nancy Pelosi     (said back in 2006)     'Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he.'   - Hillary Clinton    (said back in 1998)

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Obama wish list

 

A good government is one "which shall restrain men from injuring one another, shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread that it has earned.     ~Thomas Jefferson