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    Congress now has a 14% approval rating, the lowest in the history of poll taking. You know what that means? George Bush is now the popular guy.

    ~Jay Leno

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  More Americans can name the three stooges than the three branches of government. Well, that's because the three stooges are more likely to get something done.

  ~David Letterman

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    American sheeple's insatiable hunger for the sensationalized antics of blonde bimbo celebrities is not only ruining this country, but deafening them to far more important messages - such as his announcement that Madonna will be performing at his LiveEarth Concert Extravaganza, where she'll be certain to flash her tits or make out with a chick on stage.

    ~Liberal Larry

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    Great day for Hillary Clinton. She choose the song for her campaign, a song by Celine Dion. Is it wise choosing a Celine Dion song? She's a singer best known for doing a song based on a sinking ship.

    ~Ferguson

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Mmmm, brains

Click this link for my boy, please.

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    Our military likes to blow crap up, some countries act like they want the crap blown out of them... seems like we can work something out.

    ~IMAO.US

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    Director Steven Spielberg has announced that he will endorse Hillary Clinton for president. He says he likes Hillary because she combines the warmth of the raptors in 'Jurassic Park' with the charisma of the mashed potato tower in 'Close Encounters.' ... You'd think he'd endorse Dennis Kucinich after giving him the lead role in 'E.T.'

    ~Jimmy Kimmel

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    Joint Chiefs of Staff [Chair] Peter Pace is leaving his job. He's the one who announced that all homosexual acts are immoral, and so is adultery. No wonder he left. He attacked all the members of Congress.

    ~Leno

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    Hillary Clinton gave an education speech Friday in front of a banner that read Jobs for Tomorrow, but it spelled tomorrow with two m's. What goes around comes around. Somewhere on the first tee in Scottsdale, Dan Quayle is telling Hillary jokes. 

    ~Argus Hamilton

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    There's a rumor that Sen. Hillary Clinton had some plastic surgery. Friends of Hillary denied the rumors saying, "Believe it or not, that's her natural forced smile."

    ~Conan

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    There seems to be tension between President Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin. Again, President Bush thinks this is good. He thinks a new Cold War could help end global warming.

    ~Leno

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    13% of Vermont citizens say they favor seceeding from the Union. This comes as a shock to most Americans who thought Vermont seceeded from the Union the day it made Howard Dean governor.

    ~Jake Novak

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    Democrats learned that Bill Clinton has a future in the next administration even if his wife doesn't. All the candidates said they would put him to work as a global envoy of some sort. "Under supervision, he'd do okay. He could take his wife with him," Gravel said.

    ~mmcauliff@nydailynews.com

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