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    Did you watch "American Idol” last night? Sanjaya is still on! How is this happening? No matter how horrible he does, he gets voted back. He’s like the George Bush of "American Idol.”

    ~Leno

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    Sen. Dianne Feinstein wants Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to resign?!?

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    Eddie Griffin crashed a rare Ferrari Enzo worth $1.5 million into a concrete barrier while practicing at a racetrack, destroying the car but escaping uninjured. Usually to waste that much money and come away unscathed you have to be a Congressman.

    ~Jake Novak

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    Did you see this today about Barack Obama? Genealogy research has revealed that Obama's great-great-grandfather was born in Ireland. Oh great, now he won't be Irish enough for people.

    ~Bill Maher

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John Edwards Discourages Sympathy Votes, Encourages Sympathy Cash

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    Gore told Congress that global warming shouldn’t be a political issue it should be a moral issue. And Congress said, "A moral issue? I’m sorry you lost us there.”

    ~Leno

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I'm baaaack

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    "It appears we have appointed our worst generals to command forces, and our most gifted and brilliant to edit newspapers! In fact, I discovered by reading newspapers that these editor/geniuses plainly saw all my strategic defects from the start, yet failed to inform me until it was too late. Accordingly, I'm readily willing to yield my command to these obviously superior intellects, and I'll, in turn, do my best for the Cause by writing editorials - after the fact."
    ~Robert E. Lee

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