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    As the rumor that Usama Bin Laden is dead spread worldwide, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) began gearing up to provide massive disaster relief in the so-called ‘blue states’ where FEMA expects members of the Democrat party will be hardest hit.

    ~ScrappleFace

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    Allen insists that while he did indeed use the N-Word, it was only in the process of "bustin' some rhymes" with his homies, Sen. Robert Byrd and Gov. George Wallace, and that they all displayed the regulation amount of bling.   

    ~Larry Chompstein

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    Democrats are speaking out against Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez's bashing President Bush and calling him "the devil"... and if he ever steals their lines again, they're going to sue.

    ~Jake Novak

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    The Pope, on the other hand, seems determined to start a Holy War. His half-assed apology was too little, too late, and didn’t include anywhere near the amount of groveling Muslims have grown to expect from Europeans.

    ~Larry Chompstein

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    But quicker than Bush knocked down those towers, he was on the boob tube last night exploiting 9/11 for his own advantage. Democrats were understandably outraged. The Jersey Grrrls took time out from campaigning for John Kerry to blast Bush for politicizing the tragedy. Michael Moore cut short a special screening of Fahrenheit 9/11 at Hugo Chavez’s place. Ted Kennedy was so upset he could hardly keep his car on the road.

    ~Liberal Larry 

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  The Iranian Minister of Health has announced they have a cure for AIDS. I’m guessing the key ingredient is enriched uranium.

    ~Leno

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